Disappointment.

Assalamualaikum.

I am sincerely offering my apologies because what you're going to read is what I hate to let you read. I'm a human. Forgive me please, come back soon and leave here for now if that's best. I'll be better soon to write good entries. If you wish to continue, hope it doesn't affect you that I'm plainly sharing my feelings.



I-


I feel that in life, you're often forced into something when you're not ready for it. After some time I simply am tired. I hurt my heart too much. I need a break. I need a good cry. I'm crying and it feels good to. I need it.

And I think I might need some time. I don't want to talk. I walk alone around the city frequently and enjoy it every time. I love seeing nobody familiar across the streets and not feeling obliged to talk to anyone because everyone's walking their own ways, looking at the road before them rather than faces around them.

I've always believed in altering my nature whenever there is a need for it, so I can fit my surrounding. Of little self-interest but shared benefits.


This very minute I don't want to even hear my mind speak. I don't care because it's telling me that I'm wrong. I know I am. I'll get back to the usual me once I've found my strength. But for now give me a break. I know I'm wrong. I do.


I'm missing Penang. I want to drive to Tg. Bungah and stop by the road to watch the sea. I miss it badly. I miss those times. Oh what have I turned myself into.. I can't feel much but pain.


Turn me back into who I was dear Allah. Those days when I could withstand I was carefree. I was free.



Why does it have to feel like drowning. And when it's over it'd feel like losing a war, all bruised and weary.



Tuhan...I beg..