A perfect young crescent...

Of those mortal emotions is one eternal possession,that is everlasting memories.

Salam.

Raya celebration,for a growing up teenager,loses its spirit of joy as years sprint. Being one of those zillions of thinkers who sense a quarter of life decline over time,I however reconsidered my own thoughts and said to myself;

"Nay..perhaps no,not that bad at all.."

That's only after 'a thousand nice barnacled' years of traditional,confined mindset that craved for childhood memories to come back alive before my eyes.

Yeah,maybe I'm no longer a child walking home at the strike of twelve in the noon,sweat on the forehead (and money in the pocket,enough money to make me smile along the way home) hand in hand,a couple after another with cousins as tall as me.

But I finally found out what Raya means,apart from the excitement of collecting green packets and enjoying table-wide spread dishes. You know,plates all aligned from one end to another and kids around the table..and you dizzy watching them running (or running with them?) ;)

When I was small,yes, I enjoyed walking till the end of the road for two main reasons. One: to eat. Two; what do you think? To collect duit raya!

But growing up does give something in return as it snatches another,the joy of celebrating. Maybe Raya gets less jovial year by year with less 'collections' (you know what 'collection' I'm talking about) but growing up teaches a lesson- 'the blessings of appreciation'.

Pause the words. Photos ahead...

Rendang tengah masak!

Soto,a must-have-dish every festive season.

Newest member of the family. A boy! Ay,ay,captain!

This is the reason why I call him 'ulat mentadu'. Like the bug,he usually curls when hugged.

Now appreciation,back to the topic. Last year was a memorable one. It wasn't fun like the previous couple of years,but it was a bit more memorable. Here's why. I signed up for a life-time job as a...em,waitress,shall I say? Anything,well I served the drinks to our guests. There was this group of kids,about five of them,if I remember correctly. There wasn't enough duit raya that noon,real 'rumah terbuka' means business,huh? So I told the kiddos that we were out of packets that noon,and asked if it was ok for them.

The kids: "Xpe,mkn je pun boleh."
Me: "Betul?" (feeling touched)
The kids: "Ye,ye" (twinkling eyes)

Happy with the extravagant spirit of theirs,I walked gladly to the kitchen,and made ready a jug of cold syrup. I thought,these kids are really adorable. Not many think the way they do. Usually kids will always fly off to such........

kids..?

Where are they?

I placed the drinks on the table,and hurried to the door.

-There they were,walking away happily,toddling along the road. I saw them as if they were toddling. Even if they were not,really. Well-they left,silently.


Uh.


Kids will always be kids...



In the photo above is my newborn cousin,a couple of months old. He's heavy though. Sure heavy little soldier. I learned another lesson,having the chance to hold him in my arms.


That he smelled like butter biscuits.


Hehe,kidding! Having brought to the world by his mother,he will be well taken care of. 9 months of pain and suffering vanished the minute he cried out his first tears. Every second of his developing days means joy to the parents. And years ahead,the mother will never complain of chores she have to carry out. To wash his clothes,to cook for him,to stay up with him while he does homework at nights,everything. A responsible mother,any sensible woman,and any young girl in her future is bound to this responsibility. It is such a huge task to be fulfilled,yet it is put on the shoulders of a women. A woman's hands may not be able to lift up heavy loads,but her tender hands can take care of another human being from birth till death. Hopefully when my little cousin grows up,he will be ready for his duty to take care of his mother and another women he will love in the future well,the way he was taken care of. To keep her secure,to care for her,and to feel for her. I'm a bit feminist,it's the way I am. But this isn't about being feminist or stuff. It is,again,about 'appreciation'. Dads don't get angry,your sacrifice is always appreciated too. :)

***

Learned in a funny way,Aidilfitri is not about collecting money but strengthening relationships among family members and neighbours. As for the elderly,they get the chance to know children in the neighbourhood during this festive celebrations.

All in all,it keeps the relationships alive. It strengthens the present and repairs the damaged.




Appreciation,in another context. Hope that this will stay informal. Anybody finds this similar to a lecture,raise your feet. I mean,hand. Fingers will also do.

Alright,pals;second lesson learned is to appreciate everything you have because when you lose them you won't even have the chance to utter "wait!"

Uhuh. Right?

I miss the time when I can walk with my cousins from one house to another,from one end of the road to another junction which leads to yet,another road...and yeah,have a wonderful time with them! Those time was indeed pure joy,ain't it?

Nowadays we don't get those chances anymore. We don't walk together...



...We get on the wheels and rock Taiping city together!


Ehem. I mean we spend time together in a much..grown up way. Of course we don't go collecting money anymore,that would be seen hillarious. Tall 'kids' bothering grandpas for money and bits of cookies. Ouch! I'm a proud first granddaughter of my Tok and I'm not going to get famous in the whole 'taman' because of that!

My ever loving,protective brother. Ever so protective,caring and loving brother. And,and..funny! Completely easy-going and warm to stick around with. I love ya!

But there'll always be the end of the day. I had to say goodbye,I had to promise Opah I'll return at the end of the week. And I remembered,as I waved them farewell;that I had a great time celebrating Hari Raya with the relatives,all of them. And we cousins had a marvelous eat-out night before,we had a nice tour round the city. Great view as well as great laughs. Silly 'Tokyo Drift' things and what not,I bursted for unbearably stomach-cramming laughing matters! (which didn't make sense but again,who cares!) A bouquet of thanks... :)

While the traffic heading North snarled up with revolving wheels of loving sons and daughters still making their way home to an old mother's hug on the 2nd day of celebration;we were on the other side heading South,with promises to come back.

Salam Aidilfitri,do treasure your loved ones while they are still around. New ones are sure to come,but never leave the old ones back in the hometown. Let Allah's blessing shower our love to bloom in the hearts of our loved ones... My love for my dear parents,relatives,friends,and those gone but remain alive in my heart...

Eclipse at sundown

I'm the blame for attempting to love.

Salam.

I went through another difficult time in life and made it through. Alhamdulillah. Akhirnya Allah leraikan simpulan yang selama ini membelenggu.



" Tuhanku,sesungguhnya Kau uji aku dengan cinta buat kali kedua. Pemilik hatiku,kepada Dia yang empunya jiwa ragaku,pada Dia yang akan aku hadapi,pemilik cintaku yang azali. Aku jatuh hari ini kerana mencintai seorang manusia. Mungkin aku lupakan cinta-Mu,ampunilah aku. Sesungguhnya peringatan-Mu buatku tidak tertanggung. Tariklah aku kembali pada-Mu,jauhkan dia dariku dan dekatkan aku pada-Mu,cintaku telah jauh menyimpang.

Ya Allah,sungguh aku bersyukur Engkau lepaskan sesak dalam dadaku,Engkau makbulkan doaku;jika dia bukan milikku,jauhkan dia dariku. Jauhkanlah dia dariku Ya Allah,berikan dia seseorang yang sempurna buatnya dan berikan aku kegembiraan,hadirkan cahaya untukku.

Sekali ini aku melangkah,kuatkan hatiku menempuh segala dugaanmu,anugerahkan aku sahabat buat penguat semangatku,hindarkan aku dari segala yang mampu membuatku jatuh. Hanya pada-Mu aku memohon,kurniakan penawar untuk hatiku,kurniakan kebaikan dari keikhlasanku,


kerana aku kasihkan dia bukan sebagai kekasih,
tapi sebagai sahabat.


Dan jika tertutup pintu hatinya sebagai sahabat padaku Ya Allah,aku juga akan menutup pintu hatiku untuk satu lagi cinta dunia,maka selamatkanlah aku dari dosa,bukakan pintu hatiku dan kuatkannya.

Wahai pemilik cinta hatiku dari takhta di mana letaknya pengadilan agung dan di hujung takhtamu segala pengadilan akalku rebah,bimbinglah aku kembali berdiri. Anugerahi dia kegembiraan yang tak mampu aku hadiahkan,dan sembuhkan lukaku Ya Allah. Mengasihi dia,sahabatku,adalah antara sesuatu yang terbaik pernah aku lakukan dalam hidupku;setelah dia sembuhkan luka lamaku,walaupun cuma untuk seketika... "



Thanks to little sisters Hani,Azie and Nadia. My love for our friendship will survive by His will,even if this seems unlikely to make it through by my powerless efforts.

It rained heavily,from dusk till night. Rained even more heavily in my heart. May Allah's blessings always be with you.

Intermediates' Complete Handy Reference to Night Classology

"You did nothing. You had an arrow and you stuck it in my heart."

-"You did nothing. You stole my heart and prick it with the arrow."

Salam.

The hours that were missed during the quarantine one-week-long-holiday required some replacement classes. So the tranquility of the class (which is impossibly achievable during the day) was disturbed by the screeching sounds of chairs and tables that night,when our watches stroke half past 8. The class however,started after a few minutes of delay.

There is absolutely no doubt that the TESLians benefited from every aspects from the night class. Instead of bearing the dainty classroom with the weary rays of noon Sun during the day,our lecturer's effort in conducting additional classes at night was seen as a breakthrough to the daily routine of the teacher trainees.

They loved it,and so did I. You have to believe this because I speak,no,I type;based on well enforced facts. Here are the concrete evidences--if you don't believe me.

-they highlighted the keypoints on the handouts given!

-they paid indisputable attention to the lecturer's explanation...

-they took down notes on A4 papers and decorated 'em with cartoons for effective absorption,

-they developed a smart alternative of note taking,

-they pondered deeply about the lesson.

Who,me?

Well,I utilized the technology to record the lesson for future references.



May all your wishes come true,and have an exciting week before Raya!

Whose heart deserves no elixir.

Salam,

"...and evening is the whole day,
for those without their lovers."

-Kuruntokai 234,translated by George L. Hart
Evening is the Whole Day,Preeta Samarasan,
Fourth Estate,London.


Forgive my format-astray, quotation.


It was the ~luna-stella~'s owner's birthday,yesterday. Well,almost yesterday. My bouquet of love for all of my relatives and friends,who managed to get my jet black Nokia half deflected with incoming messages of birthday wishes (I was the one who neglected the job of deleting old messages in my inbox that it became flooded),who spent a generous amount of bucks out of the tight budget (I do understand,Raya is just around the corner) and yet they did draw out some amount from it,and for all who prayed from far. Thank you again..may you be blessed!


Now let my wishes and aims for this 20th birthday be off-the-visible,public-record if you don't mind. What I want to share in this post is...



Another poem!


Whose Heart Deserves No Elixir.

Should I had not passed this road,
I wouldn't know
I wouldn't be left with a clue
How fatal this could be.

Living in demands,
And all the probabilities
Faith shaken so nervously I-
I wouldn't be as happy as she

I stopped,and I started
And I stopped
Longing for the lost to be found
Or for a new one to recover

To look up upon you,
Your smile in which the cure of my heart lies,
The elixir
Of pure discrepancy

You used to be mild
I used to be diaphanous
Most of the time in relevant reality
But I feel like giving up rather than going on

I,whose heart deserves no elixir,am an evict
No longer attentive and friendly
As if being familiar to you would appear to be
The strangest term ever existed in history.



End of poem...I wonder,how wonderful it'd be if I can start constructing poems that are more properly structured. All this while it seemed that most of my poems doesn't have a specific pattern. Nevermind,I'll soon work on it,once I'm done I'll quickly put it up for ya fellows to have a look,fine with it?

Ah yes,the significance. I made poems for specific reasons,most of the time. Well,I had this idea-what if one day in your life,you lose the love of your life? Be it anybody,please don't put a restrained frame,focusing on lovers. Generally speaking,I was thinking about a family. What would become of a child's life,who is left with no one to turn to-or in simpler word,abandoned. What would you do,and what would I?

Honestly now. If I were to be in a circumstance where I'd lost the love of the person I love,it would be tremendously unbearable. And to have the same occurrence repeating itself over again and again,building walls of tenterhooks;I'd give it up and prefer not to have it at all. It's better not to have something than to be hurt when you lose it.

-Or is it better to at least have a chance in life though it hurts than not to stand a chance at all?

Thanks for visiting and say good night to the crickets!

Over the skies,

Salam.

My best friend had been trying to reach me over the phone since late evening. I missed her calls,however,being in an event in USM.

She sent me an SMS,later on,informing that she'd give me a call later at night.

I answered her call with my usual,teasing manner,

"Hello assalamualaikum,Pusat Khidmat Pelanggan Celcom,boleh saya bantu?"

And she answered my joke,with her spontaneous reply. And we laughed,and I joked again. In between of our laughters,her voice got through;

"Fatin,saya nak fly esok"

Which made me stop laughing.


I was in deep thoughts wondering how long will it take for us to see each other again,all the four of us. The gang has always hold on to a principle:

-Nobody meet if the gang members aren't all present.

And we are so used to seeing each other whenever we have the chance.



I was holding back my tears then,silently ironing my batik as I laid down the phone.


I will definitely miss you,little sister. WE will.


-to be continued.-

Continued at 1.22 am,11th September.

And the flight made its way to London Airport at 11.40pm. Kimi who got the chance of calling her in the last minutes before her departure,gave me a call at about 10.30 pm. It was only her salam,then I heard her trembling voice calling me twice before she broke into tears. I went silent.

In her sobs,I could hear her ask,how are we going to contact Ili? I left my group discussion and went out of the cafe. I promised her that the three of us will meet-now it's only three of us here-and we'll send Ili frequent updates and photos through e-mails.

I do not know Kimi as a person who'd cry for just any reasons. And that night she cried,which triggered my heart that and I cried too,and if I had not ran out of my credit I'd have called Za'eh-and she'd most probably be crying as well.

The point is not that we girls cry a lot. In fact this is our first experience of crying together for a specific same reason. And all I could do is to comfort Kimi with my promises that she still have Za'eh and me with her,and that Ili is going to further her study,she's doing a good thing for her future. Like we onced promised,now it's here. The time has come.

But in a few minutes she hushed me. And she changed the topic-there were bugs flying in her room and she laughed,sobbing. I found it difficult to stop crying too.

I reckon you know that I am the only child in my family. True,but I have sisters. They are my sisters. The ones I'd run to after my parents and relatives. The ones I'd never give up,the ones I'm always proud of.

So our youngest sister has made her journey,one step closer to success,insya Allah,and along with the flight of her plane,we sent her off with our prayers for her safety. In a few weeks time,we'd gladly mention her name in our next visit of the beloved school,JESS.

You make us proud,Ili,you always do...

Saya kasih,saya cinta,saya sayang.

Kwasan R&R Kuala Kangsar,Perak. Malam 31 Ogos. Meriah dengan bendera!

Bandar Taiping tepat jam 12.00 tengah malam. Sesak sempena sambutan kemerdekaan.

Salam.

Kali ini suatu kelainan,saya akan cuba untuk manfaatkan penggunaan Bahasa Malaysia sempena bulan kemerdekaan dengan sebaik mungkin. ;)

Baru-baru ni kami diberikan tugasan untuk mencari bahan video berkenaan pendidikan. Saya terus melawat laman sesawang Youtube,rujukan terpantas. 'education in Malaysia' adalah kata kunci yang saya taip dalam kekotak 'cari' dan itu dia! Video yang tepat-satu slot dari berita Al-Jazeera dengan jangka masa hampir 3 minit. Agak pendek,kan? Tapi ia mencukupi. Video itu mengulas tentang pelaksanaan PPSMI di sekolah beserta dengan pandangan golongan pelajar dan guru-guru mengenai pelaksanaan dasar itu.

Sengaja saya lihat sudut komen. Aduh. Sungguh saya tak sangka. Dalam dunia moden sebegini,rupanya masih ada yang hidup dengan ideologi perkauman. Di sini saya tak mahu lagi menyatakan apa komen yang tertulis,rasanya tak perlu. Saya luangkan masa untuk berfikir sejenak. 'Kata-kata dari musuh adalah yang terbaik kerana musuh tak akan menyelindungkan kelemahan kita'. Setuju? Ini kata pujangga yang sememangya benar.

Sedarlah,sebarang isu,baik atau buruk di dalam pertiwi kita yang tercinta ini menjadi perhatian seluruh pelusuk dunia. Ada yang menyokong,tak kurang juga yang mengharap untuk meelihat kejatuhan bangsa kita. Bangsa kita,saya maksudkan kaum Bumiputra,Cina,India dan lain-lain,yang selama ini telah mewarnai sejarah Malaysia dengan warna-warna indah. Kenapa sekarang-setelah 52 tahun kita hidup bersama,kenapa sekarang harus wujud keretakan? Bangsa asing melihat kita dengan pandangan ragu,sedangkan kita berlari deras untuk mengejar kemajuan. Ya,benar kita dari Dunia Ketiga. Mengapa,Dunia Ketiga tak boleh majukah?


Banggalah kerana kita dari Malaysia.

Sahabatku,berhentilah meniru dan mengajuk budaya asing. Seraplah apa yang baik sahaja dan tinggalkanlah segala yang kurang manis. Mereka tahu kita ini berakar umbi Asia. Rambut hitam atau perang gelap,dan warna mata juga yang sama. Hentikan mewarna rambut dan menukar warna mata semata-mata untuk kelihatan seperti bangsa lain. Apa yang kurang dengan anugerah Allah ini,sehingga kita menukar kejadian-Nya? Sedarlah,mereka mencemuh. Mereka menganggap kita tidak setanding dengan mereka,'bangsa agung' yang hebat,tapi masih hendak meniru gaya mereka. Sedarlah. Saya benar-benar tersentak dengan apa yang saya baca di skrin komputer riba saya petang itu. Tak perlu sebak dan bertanya mengapa mereka sanggup memandang kita sebegitu rupa. Tanyalah diri sendiri. Mereka dengan kita sama sahaja,yang membezakan cuma ketinggian nilai budi. Saya sendiri,terus-terang,tidak ambil pusing dengan kata-kata cacian yang diluahkan encik itu. Dia sendiri sedang menunjukkan kerendahan pekerti bangsanya dengan merendah-rendahkan orang lain. Jadi,bahagiannya sudah selesai. Tapi bahagian kita belum. Bahagian kita belum. Cerminlah diri dan lihatlah realiti-sebanyak mana kita bangga dengan budaya mereka yang,maafkan saya,juga diserap dari bangsa-bangsa lain. Mereka tidak seistimewa kita,bangkitlah.


Melayu bangsa pejuang.

Melayu,suatu masa dahulu adalah bangsa pejuang. Sampai satu saat kita kehilangan tanah pusaka kita. Kita tuntut,kita tumpahkan darah untuk kembali berpijak di atas tanah Melaka. Tapi yang didapati cuma debu.

Sedarlah. Kali ini jika kita leka lagi,debu pun tak akan kita dapat. Kini,hiduplah bersama sahabat-sahabat kita,bersainglah dengan meereka,jangan wujudkan kepincangan antara sahabat yang berbeza warna kulit hanya kerana mereka bukan Melayu. Begitu juga harapan saya pada sahabat-sahabat ini. Saya terharu mendenga cerita Ayah,

"Tadi masa Ayah pegi cuci kereta,Ayah bersembang dengan sorg org Cina. Katenye,"

"Sekarang susah nak bali sayo kampung. Pucuk ubi dulu boleh dapat secekak lima kupang. Sekarang,susah."

"Ayah tanya,Melayu ke Cina? Katenye Cina,tapi dia dah lama duduk kampung Melayu. Memang boleh cakap Melayu."

Saya mencelah.
"Kenapa Yah?"

"Dia cakap Melayu fasih! Takde pelat lansung. Lagipun die guna perkataan 'cekak' tu,"

"Tu sukatan lama,"

"Ha tu le,tu Ayah tanya,"

Terharu,kan? Dan itu cuma satu contoh yang sempat saya kongsikan kali ini. Saya sendiri ada kawan-kawan berbangsa lain,baru-baru ini juga seorang kawan berbagsa lain menegur.

"Dah berbuka ke?"

"Belum,kejap lagi,"

"Ok,selamat berbuka..!"

"Terima kasih!"

Ringkas,tapi senyuman yang dilemparkannya cukup untuk membuat saya senyum meleret sampai ke bilik. Bahagia betul rasanya kalau saya dapat hidup begini selama-lamanya dengan kamu,sahabat saya yang sedang membaca coretan ini dan dengan mereka,sahabat-sahabat kita yang berbagsa lain. Cukup bahagia rasanya. Kamu tentu tahu,betul kan? Dan bahagia juga rasanya kalau kita dapat sama-sama menyanyikan Negaraku,di atas padang yang hijau,bukan debu.


Saya kasih,saya cinta,saya sayang.

Negara ini. Tanah tumpah darah Ibu saya,dan satu hari nanti darah saya. Kalau bendera jatuh di atas tanah sedang hujan turun mencurah-curah,mungkin ada yang berkata,

"Xpela...hujan kan? Basah baju aku."

Tapi kalau bendera kita,Jalur Gemilang jatuh di atas tanah sedang hujan peluru menderu-deru,mungkinkah kita sanggup,atau sampai hati berkata begitu?

Saya sendiri bukanlah seorang remaja yang cukup bagus,cukup patriotik untuk negara saya. Dan saya malu kerana ibu pertiwi ini telah melindungi saya selama 19 tahun,insyaAllah 20 tahun minggu hadapan,sebagaimana Ibu saya melindungi saya dari lahir hingga sekarang. Tanah air ini memberi saya air sepertimana Ayah saya memberi saya hidup yang sempurna dalam kesederhanaan. Saya malu. Andai satu hari tertakdir saya harus berkorban untuknya,darah ataupun keringat,saya halalkan atas tanah ini.

Merdeka ini,sayang,bukan cuma terlepas genggaman Jepun atau British dari jari-jemari kita. Merdeka ini ertinya dalam. Kebahagiaan,kebebasan,jaminan. Dan segala-galanya yang kamu boleh fikirkan. Harganya lebih mahal dari berlian. Kerana itu juga nenek moyang kita korbankan emas untuk kemerdekaan. Harganya adalah maruah,air mata,dan darah. Belum tentu terbayar,kalau kita terus mengagungkan mereka yang pernah menjajah kita. Bersahabatlah dengan mereka demi pendidikan,dan manfaat-manfaat lain untuk kemajuan. Dan selagi mereka menghormati kita sebagai satu negara yang berdikari,hormatlah mereka tanda kita bangsa berpekerti tinggi. Tapi ingatlah,jangan hilang jati diri sendiri. Ingatkan saya ini bila satu hari nanti saya terlupa. Bercakap dalam bahasa asing untuk kita bela Malaysia di mata dunia,untuk kita gambarkan indahnya tanah air kita,bukan tanda kita hilang maruah bangsa. Kecualilah kalau ia hilang dalam hati. Bukalah mata.


Saya kasihkan dia dengan sepenuh hati saya. Saya cinta dia dengan segala kebaikan dan kelemahannya. Dan saya sayang kalau saya terpaksa lepaskan dia.

Kalau kamu katakan ini pada dia yang kamu sayangi,mengapa tidak negara pada negara kita.


Saya kasihkan Malaysia dan segala isi kandungnya dengan sepenuh hati saya.
Saya cintakan Malaysia dengan segala baik mahupun buruknya.
Saya sayang jika satu hari saya terpaksa korbankan Malaysia,tanah tumpah darah saya.


Damailah roh-roh pejuang bangsa di syurga. Anak pertiwi sujud syukur pada Tuhan atas nikmat negara merdeka. Hormat pada Duli lambang kedaulatan tanah bertuah. Bangga dengan negeri yang hasilnya melimpah ruah. Sumpah dalam hati akan berdiri untuk Malaysia.

Merdeka!!!