Frequent Flyer

Assalamualaikum.

I miss you. And I admit, I have been around but not really committing the best of times to sit down and write.

Now that I am, do hang around for a while. :)

On the flight home I sat with a mother and her teenage boy. That night, EK409 was crowded with people. I mean really crowded with people it unusually felt like hopping on a bus to balik kampung. Yeah there were all sorts of people. All these while I've been on MAS and MAS only, so the sight of passengers from all walks of life-and too many of them-is rare.

You can't judge a book by its cover but my impression told me that the woman and her son were in search for a new start, or I don't know, but they didn't look happy. The teenage boy talked not more than a couple of times to his mother, and his mother can speak but one or two English words. They both left their entertainment set switched off from the start of the journey, and never looked away from the emptiness of the black screen they gazed at. The boy looked out of the window from time to time, and yeah-that's fairly it, nothing much they did, except for the mother waking me up merely after half an hour of me finally getting my eye-shut. Three words she said; and those were "Excuse me? Toilet."

Wait-I'm not a toilet! But you get what she meant, she wanted to go to the loo, a message delivered using the least number of words possible, true?

So I found myself struggling in between the lost seat belt to let her through. And later struggling with my own muse.

I-and this is a fact-hardly fall asleep on the plane. I prefer enjoying the view or simply watching movies and reading books. And once I was awake the question that struck me much earlier revisited. What was the woman up to? What could she be doing alone with her child, where she came from, can she really converse in English-and if not-who booked her ticket and exactly how did she get herself and her boy on the plane to a country where English is a second language?

Now please don't get me wrong. I am a future teacher and it is my job to understand how things are, why they are so, and how to reach out. I learn about all sorts of school of thoughts and how to teach but when I open my eyes to the real world it is not the 'ideal classroom' out there or in this case an 'ideal world' we're living in.

Which has always been a surprise that is always there on the doorstep.

In an ideal atmosphere variables do not exist therefore all the teaching and learning theories we learn are almost 100% applicable. In an ideal world you plan what you want to do, and it happens the way you want it to. But this isn't an ideal world we're living in. It's what we call the real world, from which we learn how luck can turn its back at us. So in this real world case, how on Earth did the mother manage to get herself and her son on a plane to Malaysia-for whatever reason it is-when everything she needs to get done from booking a ticket to checking in to board the plane-is done in English?

***

Look. What I want myself to think about, at the end and apart of my wondering about whether I've brought along my Malaysian sim card in my bag, is what is going to become of me. What I saw, throughout the short seven-hours-journey impacted me massively in realising what's happening around me, how it is true that English language-like it or not- is a lingua franca everyone must be really keen of mastering, and how I and my fellow cohort will one day play a critical role as a supporter of learning, ready or not. And this is where we will get to practise theories we learned, then succeed or maybe fail, understand why certain ways work while others don't, and prepare back up plans for future steps.


Our mission is one: to assist learners become a functioning part of the society.


Until teachers become a functioning part of the society themselves, inspiring and supporting the society's development will remain a beautiful vision we see but sadly can't achieve.


Oh yes. I believe I haven't been on the most unpredictable parts of my journeys just yet. So haven't I seen the best of views from many angles there are. I am now a second year student, soon a third year, a future teacher, trying my best-despite the limitations of mindsets I am accustomed with-to get a better view of where I am and how far I've come in every step I take.


The best of surprises is there to come, insya Allah, and when it's here I believe teachers better be ready to open our eyes to see, and hold out our hands to embrace whatever it is the future throws in.



You have a great week. :)

Just maybe.

Maybe. Just maybe it's true, that I am childish and I love dragons so much. Maybe it's true, that until I grow up there's no room for love in the heart. People come and go. Well, go, if you want.

But you need to know. Love is a pain in the neck. When it's untrue. Who cares if I love dragons so much. I will grow up. Loving what pleases me while not displeasing others. Good deal huh?

You should only stop being yourself if it hurts yourself and others. In other cases, you deserve the sunshine of a smile. So smile. You are your own sunshine, if you can only see.

Assalamualaikum.

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Eleven's No November.

Hey. Assalamualaikum.

When's the last time I answered a tag? If I remember well among my first entries were tags-those time I was younger (woot woot) and this blog too, was a 1 year old baby girl. So here you go, tagggg-uh! :D

First , the rules.

Rules.

1.You must post these rules.   <--obviously

2.Each person must post 11 things about themselves in their journal.

3.Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post and create eleven new questions for people you tagged to answer.

4.You have to choose 11 people to tag and link them to the post.

5.Go to their page and tell them you have tagged him/her.

6.No tag backs.

7.No stuff in the tagging section about (this, I don't understand. words left out maybe,okay forget that.)

Now on to it!

Eleven things about me. Ah. There it goes. Now I have no secrets at all. :p I lie.

1. Forever, I am in debt with two persons. Ibu and Ayah. :) I owe many others a lot too. Relatives, family friends, and my friends. Nope,bukan duit. Kindness. :)
2. I drive a jet-black Saga in the teaching college. I call it Prime. I know, I wish I have a Transformers so bad. The cohort boys call it 'Walit' for its registration number. No likey!
3. I have a black guitar I name 'Jasmine Stellis' meaning 'Jasmine Starlight'. Jasmine's my late grandmother's favourite flower.
4. By now, I expect you to be able to guess my favourite colour. It troubles me a lot when everything's in the same colour and I can't find my phone in my bag. -_-
5. I would only change my decisions for people worth risking it for. For others, it takes a discussion or two over cups of coffee for me to change my mind. Double standard. :p
6. I believe it's best to do things for the sake of learning from experience, not getting rewards-especially when it comes to completing assignments. BUT. I don't walk the talk! >.<
7. I get better ideas to write creatively when I am upset. Writing assignments, I get the best of ideas in the last five hours. Which ISN'T a good nature. Don't be like me. -_-
8. Friendship to me is as important as importance itself, no excuse, and I know I am not a perfect friend myself. I knowww.
9. A visit to Tasmania some time ago changed the way I think. I am struggling however, to keep the experience and learning in mind. Things don't stay if we don't make them.
10. I keep to myself unless if it's someone I trust. I don't easily trust without reasons.
11. This blog, you can see me grow up with it. :) Nah, I still am foolish and childish.

Hah siap pun first part. Now the second. I was tagged by my dear friends ZakiranSIRAJ and Afifi Daud.

Tag #1 Here's from Kiran. :)

1) Kenapa jadi blogger?

Sebab macam seronok, and I needed to practise writing. :)

2) Blog (s) sapa yang kau selalu je nak bukak?

Whichever blog that comes up with the latest update in my blogroll. 

3) Kau bukak youtube dan kau biasanya buat apa?

Cari lagu best lepas tu downloaddd. Hee.

4) Kau suka chat @YM, @Skype ataupun @ FB chat?

Fb and Skype. YM? I live but don't exist there.

5) Which one do u prefer? Outspoken atau jenis Ada aku kesah?

Better outspoken, dari terlampau ada aku kesah sampai jd tak sensitif. Kalau outspoken pulak, to a considerable extend itu munasabah, jangan melanggo norma kehidupan dengan alasan "I outspoken. Kalau you tak boleh terima, ada I kesah?" Wujud pertembungan di situ ye saudara. Bila outspoken tu bervarian 'ada aku kesah' ianya menimbulkan ketidaktenteraman awam. Emh. Isu serius ni. Kena masuk blog serius nii.

6) Kau rasa blog aku cemana?

You don't call me 'kau'. Eh, lari topik! XD Your blog to me, is written in the simplest words, a pleasure to read sebab ada gambar-rasa macam boleh kongsi cerita hidup blogger tu sebab beliau letak gambo beliau dekat mana-mana in relation to the blog entry. Bila baca rasa macam ada sama. Me likey. :)

7) Kau prefer study last minit ke, prepare betul betul?

Uh...prepare betul-betul. Sebab last minute kita  boleh lupa. But you know which one I do En. Nini.

8) Kau anak ke berapa dan apa pandangan kau pasai anak bongsu?

I'm the only child. :) Anak bongsu comel dan loving. TAPI..hehhe gurau! :)

9) Do you agree, when org kata anak bongsu ni kurang indie?

Mana ada Indie. Sape cakap? Mainstream je? :D Anak bongsu ke, anak pertama ke, anak tengah ke, waima anak tunggal sekalipun, (eiceh) kalau nak independent akan independent, kalau nak dependent akan dependent. This is a matter of nurture factors, plus nature factors. Kalau naturally beliau dependent (ade ke kromosom charactersitics dependency? Ade la kot ye dak) tapi diajar (nurtured) cara bergantung pada diri sendiri, anak tersebut akan menggabungkan kedua-duanya atau akan apply whichever is dominant in accordance to the surrounding. I think that is it.

10) Kau rasa kau pandai ke tak pandai?

Takkk. The more we know the more we're in the need for more. Ilmu manusia ibaratnya setitis air di lautan, dibandingkan dengan ilmu Allah. Saya amat daif.

11) Kau memang bnyk masa kan jwb soalan meraban ni?

For you I would meraban all day as long as you sit down and meraban too. Eceeei! ;p

Tag #2 And...here's from Afifi.

1) Robocop vs Terminator. Which one will win?

Rasenye le...mau terminator gamaknye. :\

2) Which Ultraman do you admire? Why?

Hai never liked Otromen! 

I lied!

But I don't remember their names! And now I think Otromen doesn't make sense!

3) Question No.1 vs Question No.2. Who will be defeated?

Katun betui le budak ni. Terminator.

4) What type of mobile phone are you using right now? Tell a bit about it.

HTC Legend and Sony Ericsson C510.

HTC Legend

Operates on Android 2.2 Froyo with HTC Sense for extra joy. Is made of aluminium like most other HTCs. 3.2 inches AMOLED touchscreen with 16M colours. Optical joystick. 5 MP camera with auto-focus and LED flash. MicroSD up to 32 GB with USB 2.0 making file transfers as easy as it can be. It's where I put tutorial notes in when I don't feel like carrying them. With G-sensor, ambient light sensor, proximity sensor and digital compass so you can easily find ways where it's alien with Google Maps support.

SE C510

Operates on Sony Ericsson's own platform. A Cyber-shot variant. 3.2 MP Cyber-shot with auto-focus that-I must say-is better than my Legend's 5.0 MP. It captures lovely evening flares like a pro and scenery are just brightly coloured with it's video-blogging compatible camera. LED flash. QVGA TFT screen with 262k colours. Memory Stick Micro (M2) up to 8GB. Comes with 'Media Go' for easy transfer of media files. Pict-bridge compatible for direct photo printing from the phone itself. Blue-black. I name it Cimo. Youtube, Blogger and Facebook enabled. Bluetooth remote control capable. With accelerometer. Google Maps enabled.

5) If I say, I want to give you a new phone. What will you choose? Why?

iPhone 4S. Sebab yang tu kalau bawak balik kampung boleh buat show off selama sebulan dengan sepupu sepapat. Berlagak sesama sepupu adalah high-culture yang mengeratkan silaturrahim, no hard feelings. Only adoration. XD Tak tak gurau je gurauu! Because it's got the most of assistance which would be of huge help for students (jawapan skema you would definitely laugh at.)

6) Why you want to have a new phone instead of the one you are having now?

How yu know? I never told yu I want an iPhone 4S! Because it's an iPhone 4S. Who doesn't want, raise their hands. I salute you.

7) What makes you visit my blog?

IPGKPP Bloggers. Hee. ;)

8) Tell me what make your blog is so special?

Nah, what's so special about it. You tell me? See...the only thing I'd say is, I write from my humble poor observations of the environment so you could share my thoughts or argue. :)

9) 'Hujan emas di negara orang, hujan batu di negara sendiri'. Choose.

Hujan ais batu di negara sendiri. Buleh mesen ais tu buat ABC letak sirap, gula merah, susu, kacang, jagung, cendol, kacang merah...nyam3.

10) What make your choice in Question No.9 is better than the other one.

Can you eat gold? No. Can you eat ABC? Heck yeah! :D

11) Think and guess, on what criteria these question (1-10) is created?

Now I'm thinking. Linking curriculum to assessments. You are trying to make me think. You are trying to make me link these questions to one another. The criteria is...

...what's the criteria. O.O Personal characteristics I guess? A mere guess. -__-

Fuhh. Deme yang pernah jawab sampai dua atau lebih tag serentak dalam satu entry tahu bahawa ini memenatkan minda. Baiklah! Bersedia untuk cabaran seterusnya....SEBELAS SOALAN UNTUK KOME! :D

1. If you could choose your job what would you like to be and why?
2. Under what circumstance(s) would you do your ultimate sacrifice, and to what extend do you feel you could go, logically? I mean, (kalau ayat tu berbelit) sejauh mana sanggup berkorban, secara logiknya, dan dalam situasi yang macam mana.
3. Tell me about your worst case scenario. :D
4. All your life, what's one thing you can't forget and really appreciate to have experienced? What's the best thing about it?
5. Ah..how would you describe a hamster and another animal of your choice. Pet or wild, your wish.
6. In what environment(s) do you learn best and with what essential aids?
7. Do you think you can describe people based on their favourite colours or other abstract symbols they associate themselves with? Give examples where appropriate. (Amboih macam soalan exam! Haha takyah example, joking..) XD
8. Tell me about one of your teachers you consider 'amazing'. :)
9. Ideas, kamtumi. What do you stereotype specific groups of people for, and how would you correct the stereotyping?
10. Why do you call yourself unique in your own ways.
11. What do you want me to change about myself, or improve on based on personal encounters and/or blog writings? I've been wanting to ask this since my birthday. Yes, yes my birthday was in September I know. Do me the favour? No way? Yeah. Just who am I. :P

Well that's about it I'd like to know! Take it, lucky ones! If you don't do tags, write me a letter telling why. :p

Raihan, Najah Izzati, Mystique, Azlan Ariff, Neynie Azhan, Natrah, Vina, Sakinah Rosli, En. Aslam, En. Syafiq, En. An.

This chain. Haunts youuuu. Hum---byes! :)

The World Against Animal Abuse.

This, I think is my third post about animal cruelty. I hope, with all my heart, that my words are read with empathy for love of animals, our dear beloved we call 'friend'.

***

This goes for our cats that greet us at the doorstep.

This goes for our hamsters that never failed to make us feel joy watching them cuddle in our palms.

This goes for those loyal dogs that never ceased to come when we're in need.

This goes for the rabbits we let our children play with.

This goes for the tigers we are awe-amazed at for its majestic being.

This goes for all animals in the world.

***

Warning: Photos follow, I have restricted myself not to put photos that are too disturbing. However I hope these ones could open our hearts to how much our help is needed to save abused animals.

Click to sign the petition.

I see truth in SPCA Selangor's belief that animal abuse might lead to other acts of violence such as domestic violence or child abuse, if not seriously dealt with. In simpler tone, it is possible to do violence to human if they can do the same to animals and are let away without justification.

The present act against animal abuse needs some good reconsideration if we are serious in stopping the crime. Yes, I say it's a crime. Because basically everything that is alive has a right on it's own life-so the way threats or murder is considered a crime to humans and therefore require legislative acts to justify the case, whatever acts of threats or killings to animals too, should be considered a crime and brought before the court. Don't talk about fines. You can't pay for a life. It's time that we take imprisonment into consideration to deliver a loud, bold message to the society that we care about lives of humans, animals and the sustainability of Mother Earth's resources.

What are going to become of our society if we don't offer a hand in assistance? We don't want to grow a society sick with psychological problems. I am getting sick of watching ladies use their high heels to smash a kitty's skeleton. As if wearing heels has not hurt their bones enough. No offence if you wear high heels and are reading this. Go on. I don't have a problem with women who wear high heels. I have a problem with those who wear it as a weapon against harmless creatures. It sickens.

Kittens tortured and shot to death. What could mom do? You would say it is inhuman if done on humans. What about animals? Who can stop this cruelty if not us ourselves?

There are inexcusably multitudes of ways to find pleasure, the positive ways. Go travel, or drive, or play sports, whatever. But certainly hurting animals isn't one of a bright outlet, I don't see how it can relate to better health development, improved blood circulation or any sort of a bonus point to life. Neither do I know that animal abusers get money falling from the skies with each cat or dog or monkey or tiger they kill. So if there's no good point in doing harm to these helpless animals, why on Earth do they do it for, then?

Live fish for food. From Shiok Leng's

If you're not an animal abuser, I beg you not to read this, feel angry, get over it and then forget. This, soon, could affect mankind-that is you included-if you don't show that you're serious in helping out the committed, noble teams in SPCA, WWF, PAWS and more other NGO's fighting for those animals in desperate need for kind help.

Whale capture from Paul Penders'

Show that you care. Support them. Help them make a change in our society. Help them to help the helpless. If you want to be a hero, you don't need all those nicknames. All you need is a heart of steel, love, and passion for doing others good.

Help out, come on love, I'm calling you for help too. Please? For us?

Sign the petition, have your say and make our voice louder. It doesn't matter if you're a Malaysian or an Australian or whatever country you'e in. Wherever you are, this is us against animal abuse. Forget nationality.

You can also blog about animal cruelty, touch hearts, and raise awareness. Please don't remain silent. For every second you delay, another innocent life might have already be gone. Your voice really mean a lot.


Thank you sweetheart. May He bless and help us all in our cause.


p/s: Here are more webs you can get information on animal abuse from.

1. How to report abuse, and locating a help center nearest to your location. Visit Stop Animal Abuse.
2. Learn as many things you can about care for animals and more. Visit SPCA International.
3. Register to participate in Paws for a Cause 2011 at Victoria, Au. Visit Paws for a Cause.

If You Want (Solitude)

If you want, I can give you all I own
If you want, we can travel now and leave home
If you want, you can own my heart and soul
If you want
Oh if you want


If you want, I can touch the sky and fly you high
If you want, I can swim the seas forget her kiss
If you want, I can shower the dawn on this heart you've won
If you want,
Oh if you want

If you want, love, I can meet the end with my head and
If you want, dear, I can drown my lungs in the waters and
If you want, heart, I can drain my blood with this spike and
If you want
Oh if you want


But


All I own, love, are unfortunately not mine
And I know, love, there's no road we'll walk hand in hand
I know, love, my heart and soul are in bound with The One
I know,
Hush. I know

All I have, love, are the littlest wings of fading hopes
And I know love, she reached your deepest seas out of fear
I know, love, this dawn and your heart don't fit one another
I know,
Hush. I know.

Do you know, dearest, that these feelings all in one
Are my dreams shattered,
My head on the ground,
My lungs drowned,
My choking out of blood.


You won my heart, a wounded one I had lost to you,
You left me breathless, as I plead in solitude.

If you want.

http://phytohystrix.tumblr.com/


I'm sorry, my weeks have been overwhelming. But my wonderful ones have been really helpful.

Can't wait 'till I write a wrap-up.

***

I would rather not make a statement on any incident as it would only hurt. What's important is my message. Dear sisters, my sweethearts, please be very mindful of your safety. I don't know what's in the minds of these snatch thieves, they're driven too much on what they want they forgot that they too, have their own loved ones and would be heartbroken if the same misfortune they do to other people falls upon someone dear to them.

So you take care girls. The world's less safer day by day. Assalamualaikum.




p/s: I don't feel quite right. I need some sleep. :)

Testing 2nd app

Hee. Bother you. Both apps look nice. Byes, good night. Wake up to a lovely Monday. May Allah bless. :)

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Testing

This was posted from my HTC Legend. I've installed the app for some time but never cared to give it a go. Let's see how it is. Hello there! :D

Sadness goes away when you feed ducks chips. Really?

Assalamualaikum.


Habis dah merajuk dan sentap.


I thought of going to the city but considering the fact that


I AM ALMOST broke,


I went to the university fountain instead. Yes alone. And I watched ducks. Haha. This, the university fountain, is where students spend afternoons having lunch or just laying around while the birds steal their meals. Hee, cheeky fellows! I had some chips in my bag, thought to have them while I sit around. But there were too many ducks and in the pond there were a couple of white ducks swimming.


They saw me. I saw them.


Our eyes met. :p


You know what's next.


I took out the chips and started to offer one to the ducks. (Masa kecik dulu pernah kena sudu dengan angsa. Takut jugak kena sudu dengan itik pulak) They swam nearer and took it off my hand. Erk. Itik makan kentang goreng Oporto jugak ye? Then it started to feel fun. Another. And another. The ducks came out of the pond as I searched the paper bag for more chips.

There, tak takut orang, those ducks! I was the one who kept walking backwards afraid that they'd go "give me that chips! All of 'em, hurry!" and bite my feet. Ah, seluar jeans, won't hurt even if they do, I thought.

I kept feeding them and wanted to pat them on the head. It looked at my hand whenever I tried to pat its head. Aish. So I didn't get to. Biarlah.

Hai-want-more! Gimme. Y U NO BRING MORE CHIPS?! Y U LOOK ME LIKE THAT?!

There were birds too-too many of them. This place is already like a birds' park. Well at least I got some time to relax. I went out of chips and the ducks went back into the pond once they're done inspecting me up and down for more foods. -_-'

Food snatch! Omnomnomnom!

I sat by the pond-no-lake,whatever-and watched ducks fly down from nowhere right into the water. And a baby duck learning to feed on its own with its parents. Dad's in front, Mom behind it, careful so I wouldn't get too close and steal their baby. Who would, it's yours. :)

Felt good. Then I laid on my back to watch the skies. It's been a while since the last time I did.

Wonderful isn't it. It was almost dusk that time. I realised that I was the only one laying on my own. People had already started to leave. I found my bag (the ducks weren't in it searching for chips luckily) and left for home.

A simple entry huh. I-went-to-the-lake-and-fed-ducks. Nope. I just want you to know a few things.

1. I'm back from last night's disappointment. Better today. Come what may tomorrow onwards, that'sanotherstoryaltogetherwhocares. I'm at the age up for any challenge.
2. Allah made this land and everything in it for us to love and care for. Imagine if the world's only made up of air, water and soil. Where's the beauty to appreciate?
3. Love does not come from humans only. I love animals. They love me. We live in content. Haha! -foreveralone- No, my point is if you can't get anybody to tell about how bad your day has been, find something else to do, whatever that consoles you best. If you love animals, then find a cat or anything and pet them. It helps to sooth you.
4. Problems come and go. All we need to do is find a good outlet to release it. Don't let it out on people around you. Pity them, do you not think that they have their own issues too? So care for one another. If you're feeling down, go fix yourself up and come back for good. Don't lose the respect others have for you for acting insensibly.
5. I am not committing to any relationship with someone who hardly knows me, full stop. Please don't say "hai boleh berkenalannnn ting ting ting!" And act cute or blast at me when my internet connection goes off as if you and I are-whatever. Forgive me but I please not just anybody for no reasons. Help me with my assignment rather than asking me such questions while I'm busy doing my assignments. That doesn't impress anybody, obviously. If you're not my best friend in happiness and sorrow you and I will never make it. I believe that lovers are first and foremost, friends who are responsible enough to keep one another up come rain or storm. How can you be a good partner if you can't even care for a friend? Let alone if you have no idea who I am. So-be a good friend first then love comes to those who deserve it. When the time is right. Cool? Yeah? Splendid. :) So be a good friend and practice caring for friends first. You'll be a refined person in time, that's when you're ready to go.
6. I forgot what's for number 6. Uh... Oh yes now I remember. Let's put that in a new paragraph yeah?

I signed a pledge on WWF Malaysia's website. Tak, bukan gusti tu. This is a pledge for you to live green. What does it mean to live green by the way? Well it basically means to me, that you take little steps to care for your environment by not supporting the consumption of endangered wildlife-based products thus maintaining sustainable marine and forest ecosystem which in return guards safe our own source of foods and freshwater. Simple no? And also to use electricity considerably to save energy. It's that's easy. All I had to do is to click WWF Malaysia's LIVE GREEN PLEDGES, fill in some simple details and get access to download banners to put here on my blog! The banners look good on your blogs I assure, look at the right side of your screen, there it is on my side bar-just right up my formspring widget.







Looks good no? Not only that, it makes you a proud supporter of Earth too! :)

Come on and spread the message for WWF Malaysia! I'm a supporter, come together!

p/s: I'm sorry for yesterday's entry. You take care sweethearts. Byes. :)

Disappointment.

Assalamualaikum.

I am sincerely offering my apologies because what you're going to read is what I hate to let you read. I'm a human. Forgive me please, come back soon and leave here for now if that's best. I'll be better soon to write good entries. If you wish to continue, hope it doesn't affect you that I'm plainly sharing my feelings.



I-


I feel that in life, you're often forced into something when you're not ready for it. After some time I simply am tired. I hurt my heart too much. I need a break. I need a good cry. I'm crying and it feels good to. I need it.

And I think I might need some time. I don't want to talk. I walk alone around the city frequently and enjoy it every time. I love seeing nobody familiar across the streets and not feeling obliged to talk to anyone because everyone's walking their own ways, looking at the road before them rather than faces around them.

I've always believed in altering my nature whenever there is a need for it, so I can fit my surrounding. Of little self-interest but shared benefits.


This very minute I don't want to even hear my mind speak. I don't care because it's telling me that I'm wrong. I know I am. I'll get back to the usual me once I've found my strength. But for now give me a break. I know I'm wrong. I do.


I'm missing Penang. I want to drive to Tg. Bungah and stop by the road to watch the sea. I miss it badly. I miss those times. Oh what have I turned myself into.. I can't feel much but pain.


Turn me back into who I was dear Allah. Those days when I could withstand I was carefree. I was free.



Why does it have to feel like drowning. And when it's over it'd feel like losing a war, all bruised and weary.



Tuhan...I beg..

Wherever Eyes Once Landed.

Recalling memories, wherever eyes once landed.


Solitary evening on the block overlooking houses halfway up to their roofs, thinking and repeating to self,


"how would life be if there was, or was not? If things were; or were not?"


Silence. Just self, and the evening breeze.


Alone in complete liveliness of everything, reminiscing significant trifles under the blanket of young history, and at times wonder, when life ends...


sigh-




When life ends, how different would it feel like, overlooking the sunset?

Beribu Kaki di Paras Awan. (English Version)

The tip of my toe touched-and felt-
as if it was a frozen silk

And seeing not quite clearly, in a swift grey fogs cleared

I aimed for the moon, and give live to my dreams
So I shoot-and here I am-

A thousand feet above the skies.

I came after my dreams,
I came after you


But-


You can't tell, until you're where I am.
You can't tell, until you're lighter than the air
A thousand feet above the skies.

And when I reached out for the moon it finally came true
That I got too high, a thousand feet above the skies,
And fell hard, because the reality lies-

A thousand feet below the skies,
On the ground, where I gave my wings of dreams-
A nonsensical try.



p/s: Yes finally a poem! How'd you like it? :)

Cinta itu jadi agung kerana,

Duhai kesayangan,

Cinta yang teristimewa dalam dunia ini bukan miliknya,tapi milikNya.

Kedua pada ibu, pada ibu, pada ibu. Ketiga, buat ayah.

Terakhir, pada diri dan seluruh isi alam ciptaanNya.

Tahukah, cinta itu hadiah yang paling indah dariNya.

Kerana agungnya Dia, duhai kesayangan, cinta itu juga jadi agung; pada utuhnya keabdian padaNya. Dalam tiap titisan pengharapan pada balasan cintaNya.

...bukan cintanya.

Assalamualaikum.

To the edge!

What's best about losing is-

knowing that you put all your guts to the edge and that you're strong enough believing in possibilities.


And even if you didn't make it, you tried making something good out of whatever you've got, didn't you?


Allah sends us different people at different times when we need them. I know and believe that He loves us so much, He sends His love through everyone around you and me when we need a friend. Let's not worry too much about that, yeah? :)


My gratitude to Ayah, Ibu, Encik Zahari, Kak Odah, Natrah Rafie, Azhan Zaffuan, and all my dear friends near and far. Knowing that someone else believes in you makes giving up look totally pointless. Their words in sum spell out 'k.e.e.p g.o.i.n.g'. And so I will. Who cares if I'd fall and hurt, Allah's always around for some comfort and love. :)

Assalamualaikum. :)

And our fates are, too.

Everything that goes pass me are things I have no control over. I am at His will, and His servant I am, only. I will draw a curve to smile reminiscing every second we had. I will learn about what was and what is. I will draw steps, tiny steps to move on because I can't bear trembling over every loss. You and I, in utmost certainty, are His. And our fates are, too.

A quick one;

Assalamualaikum.

Ada assignment nak hantar Isnin ni. Artikel belum cukup. Guitar test on Wednesday. Jari-jari nak tukar chord pun tergelecek sana-sini lagi. Haih. -_-' Pray for me please, my fingertips feel a bit numb from yesterday's practice. Tu pun belum cukup lagi. Raya? Hah don't talk about Raya. Raya ikut dan je la jawabnya. Biskut raya pun belum buat tau. Ibu bagi resipi Biskut Snowball entah bila nak buat.


Penat la minggu lepas, minggu ni pulak sibuk. But I'm loving my life and every second of it. Right now my baby lemur tengah baring on my stomach, and my lappy's on my lap. Yes, I do my work on bed. Tu pasal la suka mengantuk baca buku. Last night the textbook read my face. Not what it should be doing. You don't work like I do if you have access to proper study space. I filled my study space dengan buku and...papers. That's why. Even if it's not messy pun, (at the time of writing this it's a bit messy) I won't use it either. Sebab meja tu bertingkat so my laptop x boleh bukak habis. Humh. Takpe. Katil kan ada. :p

That photo (yang atas) got through Salam Perantauan. For a few days ucapan Cohort 2 masuk surat khabar. Adakah perantau lain tak memberi saingan yang cukup sengit sampai boleh masuk berulang kali? Cepat hantar! (sendri pun tak hantar lagi). Yes,yes. I'm tryinggg. Oh, I'm the one sitting in red kurung, third from your right hand side. Salam Aidilfitri dari kami untuk keluarga,pensyarah-pensyarah dan guru-guru serta rakan-rakan yang sentiasa diingati. :D


You take care. I need to read my article and finish it before..well, as fast as possible. Time's racing against us.

Byes! Me loves you.

<3

p/s: Work hard, it's near the end of Ramadhan. Tahun depan belum pasti. Ayuh. :)

Transition #3: the movie 'Koran by Heart'

Assalamualaikum.

Hari ni tak sempat nak post panjang-panjang, tapi tengok ni,ada dokumentari pedek yang sangat-sangat worth the while watching. Ni bukan drama ke ape tau. This is a movie about little contestants of the Cairo Competition, an event where youngsters from all over the world compete in memorising the Holy Quran. Watch their journey as they prepare themselves for the day and think about their future.

What's special about this clip is..practically almost every detail. You can't help noticing their life challenges and dilemmas that make you think about what you've done up to the present time, while these kids fought their way in search for education. Right, I won't spoil it for you, go and watch ya!

May Allah bless you, amin. :)

Transition #2:Special Trifles Worth Exchanging For

Assalamualaikum.

Duduk Sydney mana boleh bawak kereta. If you do, it means that you have enough amount to cater for your daily needs plus transportation needs-you know, fuel is something people argue about for taking the most out of a fortnight's pay dekat Australia ni, mahal tau harga petrol. It could also be that you're good at managing your financial needs without having to have that much amount of money in your account.

Eh, ni dah silap topik. :)

So me, being neither, takes the bus or train to everywhere. And I listen to my music player a lot. Always. My cohort friends recognise me with a set of earphones. One day, out of the blue I thought: "I stuck this earphones all the time while travelling. If I was listening to zikirs or nasyids, wouldn't it be something far better?"

It's like doing nothing, listening to songs, and getting some peace of mind.

or

Doing nothing, listening to zikirs, and getting some peace of mind sealed with countless of rewards.


Kan? If I listen to songs and songs only, I get to relax, but only while it lasts. If I let myself be immersed into zikirs, I get to relax and as long as it goes, I get rewards. Isn't He kindhearted in many beautiful ways? He rewards us for doing ourselves good, and refrains from punishing until we commit sin. Even then, He waits for us to repent, and would gladly erase our sins if we really quit committing them.

Where else on Earth can you find such a deal?

Nowhere.


And it makes it even sweeter to think about it this way: if you love music just as much as I do, and you keep searching for the kind that pleases you the way I do, it's just because when your soul was created, you heard the voice of God, remembered how soothing it sounded, and now scorch the world just to listen to the beautiful voice again, only to end up searching for such a beauty in the voice of His creations, never the one as perfect as His. Every soul, before life was blown into it, was asked by Allah if he wills to live in the living world, to face tests, to be His loyal servants. We heard Him once, and knew how wonderful He sounds.

This life is a journey, a search. I walk my path in search of Him. You walk yours, in search of the same. We all walk our different roads to one ending point. We will meet Him one day, and along our journey He gives us many options to choose from for Him to reward us.


Tell me, what harms are there in rewarding yourself in the simplest ways possible, like saving some copies of nice nasyids into your playlist and echoing to selawats while you enjoy the view through your car window, or-in my case-bus? ;p Come on friend, kick start by browsing Youtube for some nasyids you have in mind. Try 'Yusuf Islam', search for some qasidahs (poems) (try qasidah burdah), or anything. It doesn't have to be about love to Allah only, it can also be about love among creatures, Father and Son, whatever it is that soothes you. Then continue to look for more, listen to the lyrics, understand them and let it be a part of you. They are little pieces of a bigger, inspiring story of living with love to The One.

Trust me. I used to, and still do listen to Keane, Franz Ferdinand, and yes, Avenged Sevenfold. But what has loving their music to do with me and my true love Allah? I search for a beautiful essence in songs I listen to until I realised that it's not there, not anywhere. It's in me, waiting to be discovered. The elixir is in our hearts. In fact, what these musics give to me does not compare to what Allah does. He awards me with sweetness in every prayer, love in my tears, amazement in my thoughts. Obviously not something to be found in Keane's sweetest melody or A7X's adrenaline rush, whatever-you name it. It's a feeling of bliss every time I whisper to Him, that I search for. It's...different. Extraordinarily one of a kind, something that completes the missing piece of life.

I can be no way more amazed about the Seven Wonders of the World than I can be about how Allah awards all of His servants the same air to breathe, never runs out of it, water to drink, knowledge to live, and the same opportunity to succeed-what's left is to only work towards achieving. Tell me, how can I be more amazed about one thing when everything around me is within His power? It's because of Him that mankind are capable to built the highest of skyscrappers. It's because of Him that people speak in unique languages that distinguish them from one another. It's because of Him that mankind has the knowledge and ability to study the planets thousands of miles beyond reach. It's because of Him that we meet and love each other. It's all because of Him. Aren't we lucky.


Take these little trifles in exchange to what have made up your life all the while. Take the chance, do the simplest things of all:

Immerse yourself in the most pleasing ways of living with Islamic lifestyle; such as

1. wearing wonderful, comfortable clothes that cover your aurat, 
2. listen to soothing zikrullahs, and slowly add up the number in your playlist, 
3. go sightseeing, and gaze at His magnificent creations, think of your existence and how lucky you are to be the best of creations.
4. often say 'subhanallah, how amazing is that!' instead of 'wow!' or 'OMG!' (I'm not saying it's bad to say OMG, it's okay to, substituting is just a training to familiarise ourselves with words of appraisal to Allah,ya?)
5. make friends, have them around as your brothers/ sisters, love them, and be loved by them.
6. love the way you live, and love it even more when you start doing 1-5 plus some other you might think of in addition.

Just one thing to remember. Avoid overdoing something, when you want to try something new. In going through a transition there is no need to rush. Take your time, enjoy the while, and do not feel that you have to dump your old self just because you want to be different. Oh c'mon, you can't go dump yourself. You just add up to the parts of your life, and improvise. You will enjoy it, in sya Allah.

Me loves you much. May Allah bless. ;)

Transition #1: Look Around

Assalamualaikum.

I don't know why, but I have the feeling that it gets harder to write day by day. Looks like it has become more and more true, (regardless of the many times that I doubted myself) that I spend more time thinking and abandoning the thoughts than writing about it in this blog.

It's now winter break. I'm home because this Aidilfitri I won't be together with family celebrating the big day. Ha, my first experience of celebrating Raya with the peoples down under. :) Rasakan. But I find that staying away  teaches me a lot about love and sacrifice. Dulu masa dekat maktab, study bukanlah sesuatu yang senang. Mana-mana pun macam tu. Whenever you face a challenge you can't stop to tremble over it, you carry on. It's nothing different, no matter where you go. The more I believe in it, the harder life feels.

Macam mana agaknya ya. Dugaan datang umpama bayang. Tak putus-putus mengekori. Hati juga kadang rasa lemah, letih, bila yang dikasihi berada jauh dari pandangan mata, jika dikhabarkan pun, akan sayulah hati kesayangan-kesayanganku itu, Ayah dan Ibu. Itupun sudah cukup banyak yang mereka korbankan demi anak yang seorang ni. Jadi pada siapa sebenarnya tempat berpaut?

Kita hidup dilingkungi kuasa Pencipta kita. Tak ada apa yang lebih berkuasa dariNya. Tuhan itu berkuasa atas tiap-tiap sesuatu. Tak ada makhluk yang diuji melebihi dari apa yang mampu ditanggunggnya. Bukan kita tak tahu. Tapi jika 'redha' itu boleh disukat, seberapa dalamkah redha kita menerima ujian Allah?

Tak tahu. I can't even tell how ready I am whenever His tests come in my way. Because time and again, I need to be reminded. Of how dependent I am to Him. Of how true the fact is, that He owns my life, sets my destiny, determines my path. Of how I would be in despair if I don't grab the chance to pray to Him and ask for nothing but the best.


Because, my friend, He listens. He listens to your every prayer, pays attention to your every whining, waits for the second when you will finally stop complaining about how life's been cruel to you and bow your head to Him, tell Him that the faith in Him keeps you running.

Allah is the Most Merciful. I believe that no matter how troubled I am, I am good because He made me. You are too, because He made you.

Our existence is the most beautiful fact about being alive. Living is another thing, but first is the chance Allah gave us-to live. Souls are created but not all make it. We made it, somehow. With His grace. Come to think of it, what's life if it's all bed of roses? What's life if you get rewards without tests? What's life if it's not your diary of struggles and inspiring stories of success? What's life then, if it's not those?

Allah rewards those with outstanding patience. Outstanding patience. Work towards it, because there is no parameters as of to how outstanding your efforts are. It's something very subjective and most importantly, it's His to decide.

Look around you. Isn't the world beautiful? Isn't it lovely how the Sun rises in the East and sets in the West? Isn't it lovely how the Moon lights up your nights and the stars glimmer to decorate the skies? Isn't it magnificent how you exist with all other living organisms but you differ greatly to them? Isn't it mindblowing to think of how the Earth exists for you to call home, while you know that there are zillions of other existences across the atmosphere and you're not there but here on the Earth, pondering about the creations around you?

Isn't it magnificent how tiny your little self is, compared to the Universe, all of those which is no one's but His own?

Your breath-my breath-is something unthinkable. Let alone this life He awards us with. Alhamdulillah. Forgive me Allah, for my wrongdoings. Forgive me, for whining. Forgive me, for making you wait. Forgive me, for not asking to You humbly. Forgive me, if my faith ever gets shaken by Your tests. Forgive me, for not being at my best.


I need You.


*photo taken at Bruni Island, Tasmania, Aus. June 29, 2011.

About Today.

Today I wake up listening to inspiring songs by Yusuf Islam, which makes me think of how much he have travelled on his way to who he is today.

Dear Allah. If You will it that I'm not going to make it to another tomorrow, grant me one wish:

"Let today be my best last."

Amin.

And peace be upon you. :)

The Night I Forgot to Sleep:An Amazing Eye Strain Challengggge!

Assalamualaikum.


8:18 am
So, you know from my status updates (if you're a friend on Facebook) and my tweets (if you're a follower on twitter) that I forgot to sleep last night. That's right I FORGOT. Thanks to Anthony Padilla and Ian Hecox for their smashing Smosh videos, I've abandoned my sleep time. I kept watching their videos until 1 am, that's when I remembered that I had to give Musician's Friend a call regarding my guitar order, 3 am, that's when I realised that it's getting late and said goodnight to my mother while we were chatting on skype, and 5 am, that's when I knew that's it's too late to go to sleep that Subuh prayers was within few coming minutes. And finally said bye-bye to my mother, who stayed up chatting with me. Iyeah. Me and my mother are best friends pow-pow.

I am now in an unfamiliar-well, half familiar-state of being. I feel that my neck's doing an extra job carrying my head, my eyes really unsupportive of the challenge I decided to take up a couple of hours ago, and my brain half already in stand-by mode while another half busily tells me through its logical reasoning that to allow my body get some rest would be a very kind act.


My head on the pillow now. I'm still with you.




Ohhhhh. My gum feels numb.


Look I really want to make this worthwhile so I'm going to share with you my updates from the while I realised that I forgot to sleep. 'Cause I'm afraid that I'm going to fall unconscious into sleep any time now. Here they go.


2:30 am
I uploaded four photos of my lemur and me watching Smosh together.


I continued watching Smosh.


5:15 am
wah. this is a record. i forgot to sleep. and only realised i did when the alarm goes. :D (Facebook)

i haven't slept, i forgot really totally forgot to and this is the first time. i don't even feel sleepy. subuh prayer pal! :) (Twitter)

daydreamer:'I was standing in the park wondering why frisbees got bigger as they get closer. Then it hit me.'  :'D (Facebook and Twitter)


and that's the call for subuh prayer. assalamualaikum n good morning people,may today be a day full of His blessings,amin. let's! :) (Facebook)

time-out,my eyes need some rest. i'm gonna prepare breakfast then get ready for some shopping with housies. since i haven't had the shortest nap from yesterday,i'll try to see for how long i will stay awake. let's hope i don't fall asleep in the train. :) byes,breakfast. :) (facebook)

the birds woke up and are chirping. :) and i am not, still, sleepy. (facebook)


time-out,my eyes need some rest. i'm gonna prepare breakfast then get ready for some shopping with housies. since i haven't had the shortest nap from yesterday,i'll try to see for how long i will stay awake. let's hope I don't fall asleep walking. :) byes,breakfast. :) (Facebook)


owwwwmagad. eyes are now tired-okay that's it i finally feel it now. and i'd really appreciate a good eye-shut! but i can't! i said i'd do a challenge! ugh,this feeling is-ughhhh! (Facebook and Twitter)


8:54 am
I fell asleep and lost the challenge.


9:07 am
I put my laptop to stand-by. Bye.