The Grey of the Skies and Favours of Life

Rain-drenched shoes

Late nights

Memories

Places you're fond of without the ones who shared the joy.

Revisited

Reminisced

Warmth

The quiet stream you used to cross.

Papers

Photos

Words

A caged and silenced cry inside your soul.

Blessings

Moments

Paused

Thoughts that's looping on your mind of one midnight, too-long-gone ages ago.

Eternity

In silence

coldness turns into warmth as eyes met

resurrecting hopes



The universe bursts into a million colours

as nightmares burned

and insecurities hushed

Infusing the heart with reasons, courage, and even more



So to vow to you in faithfulness, loyalty



Dear God, could this moment be eternal?

Make time stop

Make it stay this way.

Braver

All hopes given up, feelings die, days change.

All memories that make the heart a whole  , fall apart.

Swallowed, disappearing, though greater in number, less in significance.

The chill crawls up from the seabed like one reaching for air, grappling the bones by their very marrows. 

Sooner from death merely by the second, if not taken down way up, only.

I release the chains that bind our hearts, I lose my memories to reality, given up.

If you looked up to the stars you'd see they reflected on the liquid black bed, upwards too high to reach for-down where you were; it sank.

They kill; reality and dreams both, one at any given time painful, another, because it never exists.

It's like straining your neck admiring the sight where another horizon glimmers a spell that owns souls.

And how you forgot, that here laying on the grass against your skin, when reality came it got harder with each recurring strike.

Except for one day when you finally grew braver.

Entrance

I recorded my last videos of friends and the campus. I laughed at our silly jokes. I drove down the city streets we frequent on weekends, I let the smell of the sea linger in my lungs for quite some melancholic while. I kissed the sight goodbye. I shut the door to my old life, and entered another to my new one.

There's truth in one saying, I can never do that, it's only for the patient. When I sat watching fireworks on midnight of 2014 as they illuminated the skies over Sydney Harbour Bridge, I talked about who I was becoming and what my then future job entails. That Malaysian post-grad student from Brissy told me he could never be a teacher, for he can never accommodate enough patience (or passion as I actually heard, and if that was what he actually meant anyway).

Now that it's a month past living life paying my own rent and soon, bills; I am fully aware of how his bare statement couldn't carry more truth. I didn't have the passion, I'd tell everyone I ever discuss teaching with. And now I admit to you, I went past the point where I learned of my actual degree of patience.

Kids nowadays don't remind me of my childhood at all. I couldn't recall my nervousness at scoring low marks in tests as I called out my pupils' names to return their Maths papers. I wasn't reminded of our being obedient at teachers' instructions and sets of classroom expectations as I instructed my pupils to stop wrestling so we could start the lesson.

You must remember all the talks I did here about my study and observation of classroom culture both in Sydney and back in loving home country. (Except if you have forgotten all because I haven't been writing much for months). And you too know, that the two situations are understandably different. Aussie kids are weetbix kids, one. They do as what their teachers tell, two. Malaysian kids aren't weetbix kids (doesn't have anything to do with it) and Malaysian kids react accordingly to the legitimate power their teachers exhibit.

Now Weetbix, my dear, was just my favourite brekkie when I was in Sydney. It has nothing to do with this post. I just embedded its slogan-as seen on the lid of its container-in this piece of writing, without receiving any form of commission; because I miss eating Weetbix (bathed in a bowl of luscious Oak chocolate milk). And in Cold Storage the price for a box of weetbix leaves a person of an average salary like me wailing. That fact tortures in addition to the absence of chocolate drink as sinful as Oak's in local stores. If there was any, I bet its price kills too.

Alright, where was I? Yes, kids. The difference between Malaysian and Australian classrooms, you have a general idea. The reality, I've experienced. I mainly assume responsibility over not exercising enough within my power to ensure acceptable behaviours are maintained in my classrooms. And allow me to justify myself; that was because, I didn't believe in the relation between quiet classrooms and effective lessons. I believe in constructive noise. And that was when the fire started.

Without even having to wait for long, the boys in my years 6 class semmed to have generated an idea that I wasn't serious about their learning and my teaching, so I feel. Reason I say so being, that they freakin' wrestle in my class. They use high-pitched voice to speak from their seats to me. They danced in front of my face. And I lost it all.

I treated them with kindness, spoke with soft, clear voice to instil an ambience of goodwill and sense of belonging in everyone's heart. I taught them to practice respect, that only one person speaks at a time and if someone must interrupt, that person must make the urgency known by raising a hand in acknowledgement of the person speaking. I urged that tolerance be upheld at all time and good manners in actions and words be kept in mind always. But what happened after two weeks astonished me and lit up the warning sign I kept on standby at the back of my mind. I knew it could happen, and it did.

I spent evenings after work reflecting on what's happening and if I was wrong in the first place to practice diplomacy. But autocratic classroom never had a place in my personal book of pedagogy. I made that choice when I was still a student teacher. If not that, then what? Why, I wonder, and what made the values known to be exclusive among Eastern families (that's us, fellow countrymen) waver over time? Back in my sociolinguistics class my teacher noted it time and over again, how it is known to all that easterners are obedient. It seem to me now she referred to a period of time that is gone.

My mind gets clouded fairly easily. Often, my emotions and professionalism stand on opposite grounds. I am now a teacher, my friend. And I will strive to deliver my best, I assure you always. In sha Allah.

How to Sound Like a Boss When You Ain't One.

Well that's one long title!

Oh hi!

My three weeks of semester break were spent travelling to and fro my home and grandpa's. Nothing much. So when my mother asked why I ignored Facebook, I simply answered

"I do the same thing every day in campus so whenever I got bored I jumped into the unreal life of Facebook. Now is the semester break, the time when I don't wish to see so much of what I see daily."

And so the cycle continues. Hello final semester of my study. Hello final semester of my study. FINAL. (Hurray!) So back is the life where Facebook has so much earned a respectful place. Contradictory to my perspective, my mother did make a good point when she mentioned how I could have simply missed many important things on Facebook, for example; announcements on our cohort Facebook group. My opinion, overlooking hers, is that nothing is of much value unless educational. You must have an idea now of how I have always overlooked the fact that social sites can also be educational. I have been regarding those as an exit to hectic study schedules, only. And that part about my unthoughtful classifying is unhealthy. You sweetie pies don't do that.

Yesterday I discovered a nice twitter profile where its owner and multiple admins take on what I regard as a community service of expanding the circle of English knowledge to as many people they can get-simply by being jovial clarifying word meanings and usages to people! Then I silently rationalised how mother was right when she said social sites can mean much more than just time-outs in between writing essays. 1-0!

On a similar note, throughout our course we have learned quite a deal about how teachers should be accommodating to children-and I tell you now that this is nothing near to easy to apply in real life situations. But we can try. Like those twitpeeps did. :)

Yes, back to what we were discussing. How to sound like a boss when you're not one. (My aspiration being aroused from how amusing I find people sound when they speak and write good English). You, my friend, have to know how my cohort mates and I enjoy playing around with words. We do this for fun. Why? Because I agree with what I saw on @englishjer 's profile. This-

Well of course that's true! But to much of our disappointment, the joy of wordplays most of the time is limited to conversational domains and not academic, making me feel like there are at least two extreme points of English discourse I am in: academic texts and non-academic texts. Texts here represent both print and oral.

Here, don't you think that proficiency plays a major role? Proficient language users have in-depth knowledge of how different communicational discourses shape people's choice of words, way of addressing others and stuff. In Malaysia, we have English as a second language. Highly crucial for workers to master. Fresh graduates' failure to get ideas across in English, as a matter of fact, is the number one factor that sees downfalls in our graduates' marketability.

And this all starts from one simple point: WE'RE NOT USED TO ENGLISH.

As a person who experience feeling demotivated by my lack of vocabulary and knowledge on idioms, I think the solution to this is nearer to us than failure itself.

How? (Why is my entry starting to sound like an advert?)

BY HAVING FUN SPEAKING ENGLISH!

Play with the language! Laugh at yourself trying to speak English. Get with your friends, mimic native speakers, sound weird, laugh it off, and repeat!

But it's also verrrrrrry important to make sure you have something to talk about. Yes, you can get the ball rolling by tackling English through humours, but seriously scroll down Youtube for the most recent happening-just so you can sound funny and make sense at the same time by having a topic to talk about. This is a point you must take note of in learning languages effectively. There must be a direction. It'll be your guide. You can't be navigating yourself to nowhere. So make a point that you find whatever that amused you as a subject for discussion the next time you meet you clique.

Ha. That's another thing. Your friends must be learning enthusiasts as much as you are, too. Then only you can find the time you spend joking around with your friends worthwhile. And being all out about your own learning is possible, if you are serious about getting there.

At present, me and my friends so enjoy making elaborate sentences either to condescend (jokingly of course) or describe matters. Someone starts making a statement that goes like "In my mind's eye, I don't see you as the kind of worker who will bring my company to a higher prospect." or "I see good personality, leadership and more being the good qualities in my employees. I don't see a trace of any of that, however; in you." in which an employer would use to dismiss a worker from a company. This unusual, unnecessarily elaborate way of saying "You're fired!" somewhat triggers our sensitivity to the features of the Queen's English, and how noblemen speak-which sounds impressive but inessential in 21st century's context. this is where the fun is, to us. The fact that we think while trying to form sentences like those slows down our speech pace, giving time for people to get the hint of what we're getting at, noticing how adjectives usually works best to add details while making the speaker sound fancy altogether. The good laugh we had usually came with a great deal of learning. Whew, that's one lengthy explanation isn't it. But the point is the speaker works at arranging words to sound good, and listeners notice how the speaker put words together to form sentences. It's not necessary to be correct. You'll get better with guidance, so who you talk with matters a lot. And focus on the sentence structure and functions of word classes as a guide.

Whatever way you choose to learn English, the point is to always see enjoyment as a goal. You want to learn English because you want to enjoy being able to understand and speak the language. Voila.


Credit goes to Min, Hanan and TQ for the example dialogues.

Byes!

College Senior

Hullo.

I'm in my final year now. It's near the end of semester one, and soon we're going for practicum. My school's not a big one, we also did our research there so by now we've already come to know some of the office staffs well.

Ah the English teachers. At present there are six around, at times assisted (or distracted?) by pre-service teachers from our campus as we come and go. Well those finishing practicum this week are our juniors. We the seniors are only starting around... June. So you get the idea without me saying hopefully, that there are too few English teachers in the school, relative to the number of classes available. I think when it's our time it's gonna be a handful. Just look at the new teachers. They have too much in hand and for that, my warm regards to those teachers who work tirelessly around the clock regardless of the work burden they are trusted with.

That's about it on the school. I sure will update you soon in the next semester yes? Now let's talk about-sorry. I mean, let's read (you read, and I write) about the boring life of mine. Oh no here we go. Hystrix, those who claimed life to be boring actually haven't done enough to make it better.

Thanks for that friendly slap on the arm.

I haven't been doing my best to cope with works. I often find myself drained out of energy, but despite of that, my sweet friends and I managed to spice things up a bit. Thanks too, to those girls. :) We organised a tea party in college and invited our TESL juniors, that's the most exciting. Five of us with the help of other Cohort 2 girls aaand we had a magnificent evening with the junior sisters. We had tea of course, Australian Evening tea from TQ and peppermint from me (my favourite). You might not believe me when I say there were foodies, foodies everywhereeee. Cupcakes, mushroom soup, baguette, chocolate cake and biscuits and cupcakes and-oh I mentioned that. And these all made us come together for organising, managing and shopping-after some time of living our own lives since we came back from Sydney.

Credit: Mint Zulkifli

Definitely in many ways it's great to be home and in Penang. But there are also many good things about being  independent in Sydney. Life there pulled us closer together, and we often organised events as much as we attended invitations from both locals and fellow Malaysians. Great time, of course.

Some seniors have just reached KL after their graduation in good Macquarie University. Some decided to stay a little longer and eat Doner's Wrap in our Campus Hub, go to Sydney Fish Market and what not. I envy. :p Yes we're here missing Macquarie so much and it at least made us feel better to see seniors' graduation photos. Next year let's hope we can be there too inshaAllah. Working hard.

Here are some photos of our twin university for you to have a look at, and for me to weep about in longing. I honestly miss this place.

Macquarie Theatre after a face-lift. Photo courtesy of Macquarie University on facebook. Jealousy at best

Exterior of the newly redesigned Macquarie Theatre

Entrance to our favourite library.

Library with some taste of art!

Cosy work space

Towards the entrance and exit of the library

Where we lazed around while waiting for study partners

Macquarie University Village (MUV), the students' residence once used for Commonwealth Games Village.

Towards the Macquarie Uni Sports and Aquatic Centre (MUSAC)

MUSAC

Macquarie Theatre after dark

Uh... what else do I have to say. Yes. Sorry I haven't been around to write things for you to read. I know some of you came and left frustrated (or at least that's what I thought) because I haven't put up any updates since forever. I hate me when I don't write. Pardon me please? I am living a disorganised college senior's life, and it affects everything-from reading to writing to blogging. Blogging is also writing but when I say writing that means my academic essays. They're all written to be submitted, not studied. I didn't feel that I engrossed  in working on my writing like I seriously did in my third year. I wrote and submitted. Dull academic life, trust me. And to make it worse I left this blog where I leisure-write unattended for long. Pinch me if you must. Ouch!

If I could get advice from graduates about how to live and work better as a student, you know that you're more than welcome to lecture me.

Apart from other things- I almost forgot, it's difficult to park cars on campus due to limited parking space but yeah whatever-I am well. Just that I sometimes caught flu when I hadn't had enough sleep, and started to need more coffee at times. For all other things I'm excited about this year. You'd pray that I have a good final year wouldn't you? :)

Last. I love you. Oh and that reminds me of the many friends who tied the knot and more coming our way. You bet, I've been asked when I'm going to jump on the bandwagon for at least six times up to now. Go ahead, I'm okay here. You're around. I have everything I need for now, inshaAllah.

You, you and you. Thanks for coming. People like me should be grateful you still care to come and read. Haih. I can't guarantee to write consistently frequent, but I can promise you I'll try to do better.

The only paper I have to sit for examination will be on May 8th. Me and group mates finished microteaching this morning. Fun. And two more essays to go. Yup, that's all.

Get enough rest, don't turn into a panda like me. Do your assignments well and finish them early.

Hugs kisses bye love you. Assalamualaikum.


p/s: all photos are from my collection unless stated. All photo credits go to their owners. Thanks to Macquarie Uni, (they'll never read this) Che' Lah and Min. (they might read this) lol  :)

Dissidia

The fight for apprehension on losing verdicts
The bidding of alibis on war torn lands
Tenebrous horizon draw blanket over our creaks
Synchronising gunshots to our aegis grand

We the citizens, your truth and your plight
Lest forget what commemorates your fight
Where the sun sets iron bars blind all sight
Where the sun rises they warm seats all night

Watch as gents in tuxes laugh in the face of our departure
And grey clouds sink our souls into bed-less river

How in sane words are our guns replacing God
Our beliefs a deception, and pure minds outdone
In reaching to you with a stroke to your heart
My bullet in your eyes, your fate almost mine

You alone are your life
And with us our keys to survive
They are not the ones of purebred drives
To trust in uncovering our strife.



*Hey hello! I wrote this in the bus on my way home for a short break. You there have a great week. :)

Two Common Things

Assalamualaikum, and greetings.

Well two common things about this post and the time I have left in Sydney is; that they won't be long.

This post serves just as a friendly note to my dearest readers that I'm still around, I need you to forgive me for not writing for a long while, and that I will be back writing very soon, taking a few days to complete what I hope will be a commentary on current happenings of course. And maybe another about my reflection after about two years of living an 8-hours-flight away from home. Nah that's not really far compared to some others living continents away from home. But yes, wherever you are there's always something to learn about.

My stay in Sydney is coming to an end, in December my cohort friends and I will be making our way home to dear Malaysia. I still remember posting an entry when I was about to fly for Sydney. It was raining, I was writing it in my teaching college, and it doesn't feel like two years ago. But for relatives and good friends waiting in Malaysia, two years seems to not move at all, it's totally a different story.

I'm trying to keep this entry simple because I need to continue reading. But you know how I love keeping you reading my long entries, ehe! Okay not today. ;)

So if it doesn't take much of your time I kindly ask of your favour to say a little prayer for our fellow brothers and sisters in Gaza, Syria, Burma and everywhere. I will talk more, I know there's a lot about this to discuss, but later if you don't mind. In the meantime please pray for me and my friends too, some of us finished their exam, I'll be sitting mine on November 23rd, my blog partner on 26th. That should mean Whatever-Luna will be back with entries soon. Soon is whenever ideas strike. :)

Take care my sweethearts, see you very soon. Be safe wherever you are. Lots of love. :) <3 p="p">

Staying Falling in Love

It's difficult to stay. Falling in love.

But falling feels so good you just want to keep falling. Down, down, deeper into this love. We're humans we have no wings. We can't fly. No, this isn't about surviving the fall.

It's plainly about falling.

Your heart shrinks. But you know it won't hurt, you won't break your backbone hitting the ground. No, it was promised. It's about the fear, and your facing it, and this bizarre; fear-facing exercise you're currently in. It just feels good, this falling.

Down and deeper.

The shrinking feeling slowly turns into something you struggle to describe, but enjoy so much. It's a mix of thrill, growing confidence, the want for more, and strangely...love. Strangely love.

The shrinking feeling now turns into that butterfly-in-my-stomach-like sense you have when you see your crush. Nah-this is way better. You recall gazing in admiration the face of your crush but you don't recall this very feeling with every glance. This is obviously something more special you just start to believe it's true. True love you call it now, unlike the previous others.

That feeling when you're giving your best to the ones you care about.
That feeling when you know you're safe because they're always around.
That feeling of never-ending excitement of seeing your loved ones again.
That feeling of winning a chess game with just another move.
That feeling of some cold sea breeze against your smile.
That feeling of watching the most beautiful sunrise.

That falling in love and never wanting to stop because you know it's going to be fine.

Have you ever felt that?

I did, so many times, but this time it's really different-unlike the many times I hated falling in love-this time I just want to keep falling,

because I'm falling for The One, I know He will catch me. His promises none unravelled to be other than truth.

Don't trust me, trust Him. Excuse me while I fall in love but you might want to take a step into this bliss you'll want to keep falling in.

Independent Eid

2012.

Final year in Sydney. Malaysia awaits, I have to admit that my problem is Sydney is so mesmerising but it is nothing near to home. Things I find in Sydney I don't in Malaysia, but a reverse of this is more significant it keeps Malaysia dearest to my heart, always.

Eid was better this year than the last, alhamdulillah and so was Ramadhan too.

Happy 55th Independence Day, Malaysia. Being away taught me a lot about ways to love you more honestly. These couple of years have done a great deal teaching me how it's like to be free, to appreciate freedom, but I know it deep inside that there's always a truth in 'you never know the value of something until you lose it.' For this, I really hope whoever is reading this to know, that our lives is more than just about winning a fight. It's about protecting what we're blessed with. Peace, a land to live on and call home. Well the Palestinians and Syrians don't-and even that being the case-they are proud to do the honour defending whatever they've got with all might. People die every day and it's an honour for their families. Here we are wondering if we've done enough for our country. If ever.

Other than that-

please forgive my shortcomings, I hope my writings continue to benefit you in every way. It has always been a pleasure to write, be read, and to know you're there.

Eid Mubarak. If it's not too late. Nah, it's never too late for something good. ;)

Take care, lots of love.

Assalamualaikum.

Don't Get Enraged When...

Greetings.

Having read a post on Facebook on an explicit song containing wordings from a particular religion, I felt an urge to write on inappropriate remarks on religion(s) being gradually accepted as a norm in current popular culture.

I thought, what is it with this trend? Has the world came to negotiate the act of vandalising morality by being silent to all immoralities in their every disguise?

First of all I think it's wise to first reflect whether we are the ones responsible in letting this happen. Let's ask ourselves whether we are the ones who; over the past few years, have turned deaf ears on mockeries, oppressions and injustice. And perhaps, just perhaps, that we are the ones who doesn't walk the talk. It could also be, that we're not doing our best in demonstrating the qualities taught in our religion we wish others to understand resulting in others taking our shortcomings for granted. We could have been too fast asleep all this while to realise what's going on.

There is no religion that teaches disrespect in the first place, which is why I believe any act of insensitivity towards any religion in the world should be banned as a bold message to those who believe that it is perfectly fine to ridicule religions while remaining masked in the name of 'entertainment', that their act is not acceptable as a decent morality.

Oh, you might be saying "Nah, here goes another caveman babbling about religion and blah blah blah. What else do they do?" Well even an atheist deserves a medium for his existentialist belief to be heard, why not everyone of religious faith. This being said; freedom of speech never meant everyone can freely pick on another person for pleasure, then naming their deeds whatever sounds nice such as songs, justice, restoration, and what not while the corrupt remains steady, the ignorants blindfolded and the target constantly suppressed, or specifically in the current scene; picked on.

All these I'd sum into a short, simple wordings: 1) Immorality and disrespect shouldn't have been given a place in civilised society and 2) Corruptions can never happen where it is not tolerated with.


Understand me when I say, the oppressed should wake up, and the oppressor should grow up.

It's time.

PoeticNotes #1: Why Heaven

But the world isn't half as good a place
as heaven.

Souls sit writing sorrows down to the end
so to get only sober, none the merrier

You kill the time doing nothing-
time kills you while you wait

And it's bitter
but you can make me less tormented if you would

Voluntarily draw a curve on your face
to be my elixir.

So the world could be less a bitter place
while we're painting pictures

To bring home, hearts hope,
stay in bright lights, to heaven.

Transition#4: How Long Does It Take to Answer

Assalamualaikum.

Agama itu milik semua, tapi hidayah cuma milik Allah SWT. No, don't stop here. Keep reading.

Everyone's granted a heart with intuitions, a body with capabilities, a mind with dreams and above all the power to decide. But among us all, who finds our being a miraculous one, capable of powerful possibilities?

I don't know.

I don't even find it often that I succeed, transforming my dreams into reality. Well many people dream and I dream too, but when people achieve I may be one of those trying to convince myself that tomorrow I will, ten times.

Look.

He gives us 24 hours a day and 365 days a year, but not everyone makes it to the end-you and I know-yet we act as if we're so sure that tomorrow is in our hands. Uhum. How old am I, you ask? Almost 23. I asked myself once, why am I thinking about this. Why bother about death when life is still young. Answer is; young people die too. You will one day hear that I had left only my name for you to say, but no longer my physical being, for you to meet. And because of that, I want to think about the time I have, while they're still around. I want to make something useful out of the time I have.

I won't talk about shaping people or changing the world until I'm serious enough to change myself because I know, it's easy to dream out loud, but not walking the preach. I'm not compromising with myself to start tomorrow, I'm starting now, today. Let my words you're reading be an evidence, that I've started my way to amending my little part of our shared world. Allah is ever forgiving, until when are we procrastinating to turn to Him and live the way He is pleased with?

Don't let this slip away. Extraordinary changes come from ordinary people who allow their lives to be in line with the righteous deen. Let our hearts be purified with remembrance of our Lord Allah, let His words ease through our minds and shape us into one of a kind.

When I type this I remember Sheikh Omar Suleiman in his khutbah on how Saidina Umar al-Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him) had thought that the words Muhammad S.A.W read from the Qur'an were poems. When he finally gave up his heart to understand, he knew, that the words weren't made up, that they are the revelations. He is, after embracing Islam, the second most influential man after our prophet S.A.W. True, we can't be Umar. But am I not right when I suggest, that we could be anything we want, that we could be influential too?

So let me take you to where my thoughts are running. Let us live accordingly, and do humanity a favour. Let us make a significant change, starting from ourselves.

Now think about your dreams. Pick one of them, the one that excites you most. Have in mind what you're going to do about it. Yes, you're going to make it happen. Good thing. And you're going to start today, in sya Allah. We need a shift, we need to tune our mindsets. Our dreams can happen. Now research all possible sources you can find, Qur'an, books, the net, anything. Outline how you can make it happen and,



go for it.

Come Autumn March.

I've got a feeling, that our neighbours' hosting a party.

As it was yesterday, tonight is drenched in melancholic rain come autumn March. Someone's playing continuous sleepy tune on the guitar. There was always him and his guitar across the road all the recent nights as I settled on a new bed. Tonight along it goes with the soft natters. Up and down like a feather on a ripple, its subtle sound waves cruise the chilly air through any open door and window.

My day's notes now an armrest. To one side of the noir notepad a dark red vessel houses a damp teabag the scent of strawberry. In bizarre harmony I sit, typing this, as it goes.

The rain's its music. Nobody's humming. Only that it sometimes gets heavier, yet honestly too soft the newborns of His clouds bursting into tiny pearls as they fall head-first onto the earth..

***

'The Third February 14'

Assalamualaikum and hello there!

February 14, for the third time this year, marked luna-stella's anniversary. Three years ago my fingers first served for a blogger's pleasure, tapping on the keyboard the this and that of my life story as clumsy and innocently honest, a newbie.

Today is pretty much the same, except for I grew up with luna-stella trying to learn be a little more sensitive and alert for issues around the place I stay in and the place I was born in, also open minded when sharing my jar of two cents while keeping up with my own belief and the society's.

Years ago here is where I tell about the fun I had with family and friends. Here is where I talk in Greek when I feel like writing poems (and still do) or was heartbroken, here is where I am transparent-where I feel fairly safe to share my life to the very bit of its pieces. That was then. As time went, dear self has decided not to get carried away ranting about fun stuff all the time, but rather pay a little more attention to what goes on in the world and how it connects to me being a Muslim, a daughter, a future English teacher, a friend, an animal lover, a Malaysian, and a member of the society. All this through the looking glass of a blogger.

Well in three years, I had times when I thought, why I run a blog, should I at any point quit, for whether my readers are able to share my mind has always been a core issue. Thought a million times over, I decided not to stop though at times it didn't feel exciting to lose motivation. So I made this line up: 'once a blogger, always is'. Yeah, you heard it somewhere. It's the scout's 'once a scout, always is'. And it has always been a motivator ever since along with my parents' constant support.

I want to blog because I want to make my habit of gazing into empty spaces thinking about things that wildly pop up worthy of my time. I feel it fun to have them in my blog, where they are read, pondered about, argued and justified. Plus studying teaching in particular, demands the time and effort to spend some time to think, maybe talk and write about issues worthy of attention. I am glad, that my time I mostly spend alone when thinking, are sometimes shared with friends who find pleasure in good arguments and conclusions too.

The point is, there is no use to keep what's in your mind to yourself when you have ideas-so share. We think differently from one another and hey, how nice it is to learn about one thing in as many points of view there are when you talk to acquaintances and blog about it, no?

It has been three years and we're still running. Until I find a better thing to do other than blogging, this will always be one of the best opportunities there is where I can freely express myself with sensible reminder to adhere to the social guidelines-that is the language I use to get my ideas across-and the way I represent myself. I wish to utilise this medium as a platform to speak and be heard while continuously refining my language skills. I wish to learn, as much as I can considering the fact that this blog at its third year is a best reflection of who I am in this blogsphere. Merely a toddler.

There is a lot to learn in the real world. Surprisingly, I turned this place into a quarter of my life too. It's becoming real-and how amazing it is-to give a seemingly unimportant event a deep good thought and realise its significance to quality living and learning.

All you've read in short; 'to blog is to learn'.  Happy Birthday dear luna-stella, my pride and joy. :)


p/s: How d'you find the new background?

The Said 'Freedom of Speech'

Assalamualaikum.

This time of the year terms like kebebasan bersuara mahasiswa (students' freedom of speech) and the likes have already become more than common. Almost six decades ago Malaysia strived her way to racial integration and economy balance. Education then was-and still is-a catalyst towards development of every aspect an independent country had to work on after uncountable years of occupation. As a result of the hard work Malaysia today stands tall as one of the most rapidly developing countries and is well acknowledged as a country of peace and harmony. The early start of 2012 however witnessed a shocking resurgence of independent students' rally for freedom of speech that demands the Malaysian government to abolish the 41-years-old act that has never before been as seriously a turmoil the way it now is.


One question here. Has the country been neglecting the citizens' rights for voicing out their stand that all of a sudden it is radically fought for as if we have been denied the right to all the while?


If studied closely, the enforcement of AUKU by Tun Mahathir Mohamad, Malaysia's then Minister of Education in 1971 was intended to protect students from being exploited by or getting involved in any unregistered organisation without the grant of Malaysia Constitution or the Vice Chancellor during their years of study. As simple as that, students' association or other organisations that have been granted to operate are at students' convenience to join for good. This might however appear to some as stopping students from being actively involved in politics and specifically denying students the freedom of speech. While there is a certain amount of truth or possibility in this perception, it is also not wrong to say that AUKU protects students from disregarding their primary goal of excelling in studies should their engagement to political associations takes over the priority instead.


Then is there a relevance in the issue of freedom of speech?


I, at my humblest position of being an ordinary tertiary level student believes that existing opportunities to develop basic skills of leadership and deliberation are not exploited to the most. Student Representatives Association or Majlis Perwakilan Pelajar has always been around as a stepping stone for students to practice the said skills and more. I personally restrict myself from being judgemental about any stance taken by students who joined the recent demonstrations but I believe that chances are that the said rally for freedom of speech intended are far from achievable through immature acts of violence. Honestly, who would grant freedom if it doesn't seem convincing that people asking for it are capable of maintaining control over the trust? Let's not talk about power, no one wants to be under control of an unstable group of future leaders who breaks nearby door of a clinic when asked to dismiss while yelling at top of their lungs for-well-freedom of speech-at dead of night.

We are too busy fighting for a chance to voice out opinions that are failing to look mature when supposed-to-be-peaceful assembly turn uncontrollable. See the problem? We will forever be fighting for 'rights' while forgetting to convince the people in position that we are rightfully deserving. I am a Malaysian citizen too, and I personally feel that there are good reasons why Malaysia is a democratic country, and one of it is not to be blindly criticized. Students are called 'mahasiswa' and in their hands are the country's hope and future. 'Mahasiswa' are supposed to be mentally very educated in ideology and acts learned out of years of study, not hasty and aggressive in speaking their minds out. Democracy allows everyone freedom of speech, and for certain anyone can speak up and be heard through reliable, professional manners such as working out referendums, organising forums to be attended by the public, empowering future leaders with competent public speaking skills through available student associations in high education institutions they study in, and many more.

It is this simple: If you want a driving license you must first prove that you can drive on the road safely so other road users and you yourself are safe. So if you want freedom of speech you must first prove that you are worthy of the responsibility of representing the citizens, and keeping up the peace and harmony our nation had though times fighting for.

Frequent Flyer

Assalamualaikum.

I miss you. And I admit, I have been around but not really committing the best of times to sit down and write.

Now that I am, do hang around for a while. :)

On the flight home I sat with a mother and her teenage boy. That night, EK409 was crowded with people. I mean really crowded with people it unusually felt like hopping on a bus to balik kampung. Yeah there were all sorts of people. All these while I've been on MAS and MAS only, so the sight of passengers from all walks of life-and too many of them-is rare.

You can't judge a book by its cover but my impression told me that the woman and her son were in search for a new start, or I don't know, but they didn't look happy. The teenage boy talked not more than a couple of times to his mother, and his mother can speak but one or two English words. They both left their entertainment set switched off from the start of the journey, and never looked away from the emptiness of the black screen they gazed at. The boy looked out of the window from time to time, and yeah-that's fairly it, nothing much they did, except for the mother waking me up merely after half an hour of me finally getting my eye-shut. Three words she said; and those were "Excuse me? Toilet."

Wait-I'm not a toilet! But you get what she meant, she wanted to go to the loo, a message delivered using the least number of words possible, true?

So I found myself struggling in between the lost seat belt to let her through. And later struggling with my own muse.

I-and this is a fact-hardly fall asleep on the plane. I prefer enjoying the view or simply watching movies and reading books. And once I was awake the question that struck me much earlier revisited. What was the woman up to? What could she be doing alone with her child, where she came from, can she really converse in English-and if not-who booked her ticket and exactly how did she get herself and her boy on the plane to a country where English is a second language?

Now please don't get me wrong. I am a future teacher and it is my job to understand how things are, why they are so, and how to reach out. I learn about all sorts of school of thoughts and how to teach but when I open my eyes to the real world it is not the 'ideal classroom' out there or in this case an 'ideal world' we're living in.

Which has always been a surprise that is always there on the doorstep.

In an ideal atmosphere variables do not exist therefore all the teaching and learning theories we learn are almost 100% applicable. In an ideal world you plan what you want to do, and it happens the way you want it to. But this isn't an ideal world we're living in. It's what we call the real world, from which we learn how luck can turn its back at us. So in this real world case, how on Earth did the mother manage to get herself and her son on a plane to Malaysia-for whatever reason it is-when everything she needs to get done from booking a ticket to checking in to board the plane-is done in English?

***

Look. What I want myself to think about, at the end and apart of my wondering about whether I've brought along my Malaysian sim card in my bag, is what is going to become of me. What I saw, throughout the short seven-hours-journey impacted me massively in realising what's happening around me, how it is true that English language-like it or not- is a lingua franca everyone must be really keen of mastering, and how I and my fellow cohort will one day play a critical role as a supporter of learning, ready or not. And this is where we will get to practise theories we learned, then succeed or maybe fail, understand why certain ways work while others don't, and prepare back up plans for future steps.


Our mission is one: to assist learners become a functioning part of the society.


Until teachers become a functioning part of the society themselves, inspiring and supporting the society's development will remain a beautiful vision we see but sadly can't achieve.


Oh yes. I believe I haven't been on the most unpredictable parts of my journeys just yet. So haven't I seen the best of views from many angles there are. I am now a second year student, soon a third year, a future teacher, trying my best-despite the limitations of mindsets I am accustomed with-to get a better view of where I am and how far I've come in every step I take.


The best of surprises is there to come, insya Allah, and when it's here I believe teachers better be ready to open our eyes to see, and hold out our hands to embrace whatever it is the future throws in.



You have a great week. :)

Just maybe.

Maybe. Just maybe it's true, that I am childish and I love dragons so much. Maybe it's true, that until I grow up there's no room for love in the heart. People come and go. Well, go, if you want.

But you need to know. Love is a pain in the neck. When it's untrue. Who cares if I love dragons so much. I will grow up. Loving what pleases me while not displeasing others. Good deal huh?

You should only stop being yourself if it hurts yourself and others. In other cases, you deserve the sunshine of a smile. So smile. You are your own sunshine, if you can only see.

Assalamualaikum.

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.1

Eleven's No November.

Hey. Assalamualaikum.

When's the last time I answered a tag? If I remember well among my first entries were tags-those time I was younger (woot woot) and this blog too, was a 1 year old baby girl. So here you go, tagggg-uh! :D

First , the rules.

Rules.

1.You must post these rules.   <--obviously

2.Each person must post 11 things about themselves in their journal.

3.Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post and create eleven new questions for people you tagged to answer.

4.You have to choose 11 people to tag and link them to the post.

5.Go to their page and tell them you have tagged him/her.

6.No tag backs.

7.No stuff in the tagging section about (this, I don't understand. words left out maybe,okay forget that.)

Now on to it!

Eleven things about me. Ah. There it goes. Now I have no secrets at all. :p I lie.

1. Forever, I am in debt with two persons. Ibu and Ayah. :) I owe many others a lot too. Relatives, family friends, and my friends. Nope,bukan duit. Kindness. :)
2. I drive a jet-black Saga in the teaching college. I call it Prime. I know, I wish I have a Transformers so bad. The cohort boys call it 'Walit' for its registration number. No likey!
3. I have a black guitar I name 'Jasmine Stellis' meaning 'Jasmine Starlight'. Jasmine's my late grandmother's favourite flower.
4. By now, I expect you to be able to guess my favourite colour. It troubles me a lot when everything's in the same colour and I can't find my phone in my bag. -_-
5. I would only change my decisions for people worth risking it for. For others, it takes a discussion or two over cups of coffee for me to change my mind. Double standard. :p
6. I believe it's best to do things for the sake of learning from experience, not getting rewards-especially when it comes to completing assignments. BUT. I don't walk the talk! >.<
7. I get better ideas to write creatively when I am upset. Writing assignments, I get the best of ideas in the last five hours. Which ISN'T a good nature. Don't be like me. -_-
8. Friendship to me is as important as importance itself, no excuse, and I know I am not a perfect friend myself. I knowww.
9. A visit to Tasmania some time ago changed the way I think. I am struggling however, to keep the experience and learning in mind. Things don't stay if we don't make them.
10. I keep to myself unless if it's someone I trust. I don't easily trust without reasons.
11. This blog, you can see me grow up with it. :) Nah, I still am foolish and childish.

Hah siap pun first part. Now the second. I was tagged by my dear friends ZakiranSIRAJ and Afifi Daud.

Tag #1 Here's from Kiran. :)

1) Kenapa jadi blogger?

Sebab macam seronok, and I needed to practise writing. :)

2) Blog (s) sapa yang kau selalu je nak bukak?

Whichever blog that comes up with the latest update in my blogroll. 

3) Kau bukak youtube dan kau biasanya buat apa?

Cari lagu best lepas tu downloaddd. Hee.

4) Kau suka chat @YM, @Skype ataupun @ FB chat?

Fb and Skype. YM? I live but don't exist there.

5) Which one do u prefer? Outspoken atau jenis Ada aku kesah?

Better outspoken, dari terlampau ada aku kesah sampai jd tak sensitif. Kalau outspoken pulak, to a considerable extend itu munasabah, jangan melanggo norma kehidupan dengan alasan "I outspoken. Kalau you tak boleh terima, ada I kesah?" Wujud pertembungan di situ ye saudara. Bila outspoken tu bervarian 'ada aku kesah' ianya menimbulkan ketidaktenteraman awam. Emh. Isu serius ni. Kena masuk blog serius nii.

6) Kau rasa blog aku cemana?

You don't call me 'kau'. Eh, lari topik! XD Your blog to me, is written in the simplest words, a pleasure to read sebab ada gambar-rasa macam boleh kongsi cerita hidup blogger tu sebab beliau letak gambo beliau dekat mana-mana in relation to the blog entry. Bila baca rasa macam ada sama. Me likey. :)

7) Kau prefer study last minit ke, prepare betul betul?

Uh...prepare betul-betul. Sebab last minute kita  boleh lupa. But you know which one I do En. Nini.

8) Kau anak ke berapa dan apa pandangan kau pasai anak bongsu?

I'm the only child. :) Anak bongsu comel dan loving. TAPI..hehhe gurau! :)

9) Do you agree, when org kata anak bongsu ni kurang indie?

Mana ada Indie. Sape cakap? Mainstream je? :D Anak bongsu ke, anak pertama ke, anak tengah ke, waima anak tunggal sekalipun, (eiceh) kalau nak independent akan independent, kalau nak dependent akan dependent. This is a matter of nurture factors, plus nature factors. Kalau naturally beliau dependent (ade ke kromosom charactersitics dependency? Ade la kot ye dak) tapi diajar (nurtured) cara bergantung pada diri sendiri, anak tersebut akan menggabungkan kedua-duanya atau akan apply whichever is dominant in accordance to the surrounding. I think that is it.

10) Kau rasa kau pandai ke tak pandai?

Takkk. The more we know the more we're in the need for more. Ilmu manusia ibaratnya setitis air di lautan, dibandingkan dengan ilmu Allah. Saya amat daif.

11) Kau memang bnyk masa kan jwb soalan meraban ni?

For you I would meraban all day as long as you sit down and meraban too. Eceeei! ;p

Tag #2 And...here's from Afifi.

1) Robocop vs Terminator. Which one will win?

Rasenye le...mau terminator gamaknye. :\

2) Which Ultraman do you admire? Why?

Hai never liked Otromen! 

I lied!

But I don't remember their names! And now I think Otromen doesn't make sense!

3) Question No.1 vs Question No.2. Who will be defeated?

Katun betui le budak ni. Terminator.

4) What type of mobile phone are you using right now? Tell a bit about it.

HTC Legend and Sony Ericsson C510.

HTC Legend

Operates on Android 2.2 Froyo with HTC Sense for extra joy. Is made of aluminium like most other HTCs. 3.2 inches AMOLED touchscreen with 16M colours. Optical joystick. 5 MP camera with auto-focus and LED flash. MicroSD up to 32 GB with USB 2.0 making file transfers as easy as it can be. It's where I put tutorial notes in when I don't feel like carrying them. With G-sensor, ambient light sensor, proximity sensor and digital compass so you can easily find ways where it's alien with Google Maps support.

SE C510

Operates on Sony Ericsson's own platform. A Cyber-shot variant. 3.2 MP Cyber-shot with auto-focus that-I must say-is better than my Legend's 5.0 MP. It captures lovely evening flares like a pro and scenery are just brightly coloured with it's video-blogging compatible camera. LED flash. QVGA TFT screen with 262k colours. Memory Stick Micro (M2) up to 8GB. Comes with 'Media Go' for easy transfer of media files. Pict-bridge compatible for direct photo printing from the phone itself. Blue-black. I name it Cimo. Youtube, Blogger and Facebook enabled. Bluetooth remote control capable. With accelerometer. Google Maps enabled.

5) If I say, I want to give you a new phone. What will you choose? Why?

iPhone 4S. Sebab yang tu kalau bawak balik kampung boleh buat show off selama sebulan dengan sepupu sepapat. Berlagak sesama sepupu adalah high-culture yang mengeratkan silaturrahim, no hard feelings. Only adoration. XD Tak tak gurau je gurauu! Because it's got the most of assistance which would be of huge help for students (jawapan skema you would definitely laugh at.)

6) Why you want to have a new phone instead of the one you are having now?

How yu know? I never told yu I want an iPhone 4S! Because it's an iPhone 4S. Who doesn't want, raise their hands. I salute you.

7) What makes you visit my blog?

IPGKPP Bloggers. Hee. ;)

8) Tell me what make your blog is so special?

Nah, what's so special about it. You tell me? See...the only thing I'd say is, I write from my humble poor observations of the environment so you could share my thoughts or argue. :)

9) 'Hujan emas di negara orang, hujan batu di negara sendiri'. Choose.

Hujan ais batu di negara sendiri. Buleh mesen ais tu buat ABC letak sirap, gula merah, susu, kacang, jagung, cendol, kacang merah...nyam3.

10) What make your choice in Question No.9 is better than the other one.

Can you eat gold? No. Can you eat ABC? Heck yeah! :D

11) Think and guess, on what criteria these question (1-10) is created?

Now I'm thinking. Linking curriculum to assessments. You are trying to make me think. You are trying to make me link these questions to one another. The criteria is...

...what's the criteria. O.O Personal characteristics I guess? A mere guess. -__-

Fuhh. Deme yang pernah jawab sampai dua atau lebih tag serentak dalam satu entry tahu bahawa ini memenatkan minda. Baiklah! Bersedia untuk cabaran seterusnya....SEBELAS SOALAN UNTUK KOME! :D

1. If you could choose your job what would you like to be and why?
2. Under what circumstance(s) would you do your ultimate sacrifice, and to what extend do you feel you could go, logically? I mean, (kalau ayat tu berbelit) sejauh mana sanggup berkorban, secara logiknya, dan dalam situasi yang macam mana.
3. Tell me about your worst case scenario. :D
4. All your life, what's one thing you can't forget and really appreciate to have experienced? What's the best thing about it?
5. Ah..how would you describe a hamster and another animal of your choice. Pet or wild, your wish.
6. In what environment(s) do you learn best and with what essential aids?
7. Do you think you can describe people based on their favourite colours or other abstract symbols they associate themselves with? Give examples where appropriate. (Amboih macam soalan exam! Haha takyah example, joking..) XD
8. Tell me about one of your teachers you consider 'amazing'. :)
9. Ideas, kamtumi. What do you stereotype specific groups of people for, and how would you correct the stereotyping?
10. Why do you call yourself unique in your own ways.
11. What do you want me to change about myself, or improve on based on personal encounters and/or blog writings? I've been wanting to ask this since my birthday. Yes, yes my birthday was in September I know. Do me the favour? No way? Yeah. Just who am I. :P

Well that's about it I'd like to know! Take it, lucky ones! If you don't do tags, write me a letter telling why. :p

Raihan, Najah Izzati, Mystique, Azlan Ariff, Neynie Azhan, Natrah, Vina, Sakinah Rosli, En. Aslam, En. Syafiq, En. An.

This chain. Haunts youuuu. Hum---byes! :)